[TOR] IC Journal of Bigby

[Rumze]

Dear Journal,

or Dear Diary,

Hmmm. I cant decide. Lets just go for journal. It sounds a touch less girly. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Anyway, Dear Journal,

Today I finally stepped into a seedy cantina!
Well to be fair, it's kept really clean. And the bartenders are very polite. But it was a cantina! And Im sure sometimes it gets seedy. Not that its clientelle are seedy. Not at all. The masters and my fellow padawans are always polite and welcoming, and any republic personnal are very friendly. Or at least polite.

I should start from the beginning.

Today I finally arrived on Tython! What a thrill! Reminds me of home, although the trees are much bigger on Osarian. Made me a little homesick, truth be told. But my parents are proud of me, and Im quite happy to be here.

It helps that the pilot of the shuttle was very charming and friendly when he noticed I was down. He pointed out the landmarks, like the main temple, the dam, and some more things like waterfalls and cliffs. Truth be told, he was quite engaging and I ended up talking to him more then watching the scenery. Homesickness? All gone.

I was still talking to him , and he was telling me about the cantina and how it was a good place to get drinks after a rough day, when Master Vin'rn showed up, after which the pilot excused himself quite quickly. I wonder if its frowned upon to talk about drinking while on duty.

Master Vin'rn engaged in idle chit chat for a while, talking about my journey, how he looked forward to my training. He seemed quite intent on my reactions for some reason. After I happily described most of my journey, he mentioned that he figured I was pretty sheltered growing up.

You know Journal, and I shall call you Journal with a capital J, I think I was. My parents always watched out for me, which was why it took a while for my force sensitivity to get noticed. I think they were afraid that Id get corrupted by my peers, and start smoking, but like I promised mother before I went to school, Ill never smoke and I never have. If thats sheltered, than I am guilty. Or rather my parents. Although its not a crime. So not really guilty of it, you know what I mean.

Anyway, Master Vin'rn asked if everyone was as friendly as the pilot was and I said quite truthfully that no, not everyone. But sometimes people would warm up to me. Im a firm believer in if you are friendly to people, they will be friendly back. Im very social. Or I try to be. I also asked about the cantina.

Master Vin'rn just laughed and suggested I keep a journal. Actually write it down , he said, since it'll take longer to write it and there will be less rambling than if I just used a datacron to record it. I bowed to my Master's wisdom , and thus here we are Journal!

Im am to write in you and he said one day I should read you back from the beginning. A learning experience he said.
How true! I will write down all the interesting things I learned and when I read you back, Ill remember any important things I may have forgotten.

Ahh anyway, where were we?

Right after that, Master suggested I pick up archeology to learn about cultures. When I suggested current studies of cultures, involving the arts, culinary foods and beverages and entertainment, he suggested it is good to know where we come from to see where we are going.

His wisdom truly goes over my head, but wisdom it must be. Anyway, he showed me to my room and had a young padawan show me around. She showed me the cantina!

It was so exciting. There were no dancing female twi'leks though and very clean. Everyone seemed quiet and I couldnt find my pilot friend. I thought about starting the jukebox and dancing but it was my first day. I wouldnt want to seem to in your face. I did make a new friend though. A trooper bought me a drink or really three drinks. And he enthralled me with his adventures on far off worlds, dealing with exotic beings like hutts. Did you know hutts arent really male or female?

I shall point out this info to Master when I see him next. Sadly the trooper got called away off world. He said he would love to catch up with me another time. I assured him I would be delighted.

As I sat there, I wondered why only female twi'leks were dancers. Surely in this day and age, there should be equality between genders. I was expounding on this theory to the bartender, who looked quite baffled at my line of reasoning when Master came, and gently guided me back to my room.

And here I now sit Journal. It seems like I wrote quite a bit, but Master said its always best to start of big, its easier to sand people running once they start. The analogy isnt quite right, but I think its due to the three or five drinks I had with my trooper friend.

Master said that I am free to visit more cantinas if I want to. He agreed it would be a learning experience. I have to thank my trooper friend next time I see him for that information on Hutts.

All in all , a wondrous first day. Well maybe thats just the alcohol talking. We shall see if tomorow is like today. Im glad Im in the republic. So many friendly people. Cant wait to meet more. And learn about the force of course. And become a Jedi.


And visit some cantinas.

[Rumze]

Dear Journal,

Today was a baffling day for me.

I was tasked by Master Vin'rn to help in pushing some marauders back from temple grounds. Several other padawan were given the same task as well but unfortunately they had set out earlier.

I must learn not to dawdle over breakfast even if that Miralukan droid technician is there. It would be impolite though to not listen to him talk about his brothers. He must have quite a large family judging by his stories.

But I should never pass up a chance to learn about new cultures and I shall just have to hurry through other things if it happens again.

I digress! Forgive me Journal.

I arrived at the stream where the marauders had been pushed back to. And this was the first time I had a chance to look at them! Flesh Raiders.

Im not sure where that name comes from, Journal. Do they steal flesh likes cattle? Do they kidnap women? ( Notice how Im thinking outside of the box! Master will be pleased Im not letting my "sheltered" life hold me back )

Of course, that line of thinking made me look closer at them as we routed them and sent them packing. Figuratively, of course. Although I did see one running with a crate. Maybe he had something important to carry.

And thats where my line of thought led me. Are there female flesh raiders? Where we fighting males? Do they look the same? Do they even have males or females? Maybe they are distant cousins of the Hutts? What a strange society they must have. Who stays at home or cave or hut , and takes care of the young ones? Are we fightin females while the males stay at home? Do they tan? What is considered attractive in their society?

Food for thought, or so I thought. Master Vin'rn suggested that I should spend less time thinking about genders and more about the jedi code.

I think Master is gently guiding me to realise that gender roles do not matter. Such patience humbles me. If only others thought like that as well.

Maybe I shall broach this with my droid technician friend by asking him about his sisters. Surely they have some stories as well.

[Rumze]

Dear Journal,

Today I made friends with some Twi'leks!

There has been talk about a village near the Jedi Temple, and some of the padawans were saying how they felt unwelcome there. Well Journal, I decided to see this for myself.

After the lengthy walk, I found a village nestled in a valley. It was quite picturesk pretty. Initially, it seemed just like the padawans had said.

But after talking to some ladies, who took a shine to me, the men seem to warm up to me as well. It seems that galactic society labels them as sexist. After I explained my views on gender neutral roles, and how everyone should be able to dance if they wanted to, which caused much nods of agreements and grins, I was happily welcomed and spent my evening drinking surrounded by new friends.

I should tell Master Vin'rn about my success in befriending the villagers using my gender neutral views. Wont he be delighted for my ongoing success in cultural studies.

After I get over the ineviltable expected hang-over.

[Rumze]

Journal Entry,

I would not be writing this if Master hadn't insisted.
A week ago I found out my family had been killed.
Their transport had been boarded by the empire, looking for rebel spies. There was collateral damage in their search and it happened to be my parent's lives.

I have left control of my parent's estates in his friend's hands for now and have refocused myself on training since I heard the news.

Master feels I have become too focused and I should follow some of my older pursuits.

They were things best left behind but master, as always, has the wisdom of experience. For now I shall continue my study of artifacts if the opportunity avails itself.
To ease my master's worries, I shall also make token visits to cantinas but I know he will see through my gestures, empty as they are.

Master this is something only time will heal. I know the dangers of letting sorrow overwhelm me but I feel I must let myself feel it, luxury that it is.

It is the least I can do for my parents or rather it is the first of what can be done.


The Empire will not be allowed to succeed.

[Rumze]

Dear Journal,

Today I got drunk in the cantina with Master. He wanted me to relax and worried about me.

I forgot to do anything but relax tonight.

Master is wise.

[Rumze]

Journal Entry,

Master has deemed that I have neglected my saber form training for too long. I must admit I had experienced trepidation concerning a moving bar of light and heat around my body with my memory and focus keeping it from decapitating me.
Trust in the force. Let the force guide you. Let the Force move through you and the saber.

It all comes down to trust.

I will not fail this lesson. Others will trust in me, so I shall have to trust myself to start with.

Bring it on Master. I will succeed.

[Rumze]

Dear Journal,

Today I learned one of the reasons why Master has always gently encouraged my cultural fascination and focused it on archeology.
Today I learned about Taris.
So much conflict, strife and war. Its shocking and uplifting to see that its people still fight on to live and try to build a better world.
They could have given into despair and to hate. Become a bastion of the darkside. But no.
They didnt give in and, to this day, are still working. Working to make a better world for themselves and for their children.
It is humbling. It dwarfs my pain and grief.

I fear I am only just beginning to see the bigger picture.

Life is such a slippery slope.

Thank you Master for helping light my path.

[Rumze]

Dear Journal,

Today, I saw poetry in motion.

I had gone to the cantina after another grueling day of saber training. I know what I have to do but it never quite seems to translate well in practice. Most frustrating.

The cantina wasnt as soothing either. A couple of troopers were being passive aggressive to a merchant, and the merchant was giving as good as he got. It seemed that a fight was inevitable and I was wondering if I should stick around to finish my first drink of the evening.

And then she stepped out onto the stage.
The tension was thick in the air, but her perfume cut through it.
A slow dance to start, she drew eyes with her movements.
Minimalist yet exaggerated, organic rather than choreographed.

Then she really danced.
Carefree and wild, graceful and free.
The air seemed to glitter around her, and the cantina held its breath.
Everyone was caught in her spell.
The music failed to do her justice but that felt right.
It let her shine and sweep us away with her in her joy.

When she stopped, the cantina burst into applause.
No more tension, just appreciation.

How inspiring!
Journal, I think I found a way to translate theory into practice.

Thank you Madam Twi'lek .
I shall cherish the memory of that evening till the end of my time.
The time I saw a master of her art perform.

[Rumze]

Dear Journal,

Master told me that I should prepare myself for the trials. Apparently I am who I am and it's set in stone.

It gives me some joy that Master believes I am strong enough to withstand what life outside the academy will throw at me.

Secretly though , I will admit I'm afraid that if ever presented with imperial scum I may let my anger cloud my judgement and allow the dark side into my heart. Even now I can't help but refer to them as scum.
But as always Master's faith in me is reassuring .
I hope I do you proud but more than that I hope I show I have been listening Master.

[Rumze]

Dear Journal,

Today I am no longer a padawan. Today marks the day I have been recognized as a Jedi.

I was going to put down my trials and what I faced, but Master cornered me and suggested as I come in contact with similar situations in the galaxy, I write about them then.
A compare and contrast if you will, giving the trials more context and a deeper understanding. Important for training a padawan of my own.

Can you believe that?! A padawan of my own! Master must think highly of me indeed.

Master has suggested I pursue cultural and archeological study while furthering the cause of the light.
It is in the place that time has forgotten or forgets to look that the dark side can take hold.

With those words echoing in my ears, I shall travel the galaxy, explore worlds old and new alike, looking for ruins time has forgot and venturing into cantinas where people have stopped looking!

Ahh Journal, you are going to get much fatter.

[Rumze]

Dear Journal,

I had the strangest experience today.

I had landed in Coruscant and was getting my ship registered as well as doing some paperwork. So much paperwork Journal, it almost makes me want to head back to Tython!
But yes, after a busy day, I went to unwind at the cantina. I had heard of an exotic cantina in the marketplace but I was tired and settled for the small cantina here near the senate building.

I had just started nursing my drink, when a strange charming man walked up to me.

" People notice when you start talking to a Jedi. "
" Why it almost sounds like you're trying to make yourself an alibi there stranger! " ( My witty response )
" Funny you should say that actually. Alibi's my first name. "

And the evening just flew up, as we both sat there and talked. A very worldly business man, here on some senatorial lobbying or something. Reminded me of my late father. His views differed from mine, very mercantile at some points, and at times seemed very jaded by politics of the republic. Not very forgiving of the empire either but not damning either.

I think I may have overdrank though Journal. I remember him paying my tab and helping me back to my ship.

The droid helped me to my bed and the next thing I remember was waking up this morning.

Alibi had left me his card. It had an imperial insigna on it.

And on it was scribbled:
Be more careful Jedi. The galaxy isnt as innocent as you think. But not everyone wants to see it go down in flames. Ill keep an ear open for you, and hopefully youll return the favor.
I dont know what to think Journal and I think thats a good thing.

[Rumze]

Journal,

I've had to say goodbye more times than I've liked, but then everyone can say that.

I said goodbye to my parents when I left home for school. And everytime I left , my mother would take me aside and hand me credits and say that there were special credits. If it any time I wanted to come home, use them , and she would be there to whisk me home.
I used to look up into her eyes and say its ok mama, I'll be fine but I will always keep this safe for that reason. Then she'd smile and wave as the speeder would take me away. Id wave for a bit but Id turn round so my mother wouldnt see my tears and I wouldnt see hers.

It was always hard for her to send me away, but she believed it was for the best. War was looming and she wanted her baby away. And this way Id get a better education than just the town could offer. She was giving me a better life and even when as a young boy I knew that.

We said goodbye when the jedi came, exclaiming at my potential . They were so proud of me then . My father beamed with quiet pride , tears unshed, grasping my mothers hand as they waved me off, quietly trying to support each other ,stop them from breaking down. Their baby had grown, and found his place in the galaxy. You'd think it would be easier for them since they had to say goodbye at the start of every school year.
But this was different. This time my home would be where I arrived and not waiting for me back with them.

I like to believe they said goodbye to each other and to me when the imperials attacked the ship they were on. They would have clasped hands and sat together in their cabin waiting for the end, in each others arms. My father whispering words to soothe her, and my mother letting him knowing its was more for him.

And now Im saying goodbye at their graves. Goodbye mama and papa. Some people may say you were always sending me away but i know i was never apart. Not where it counted. You will always live on in my heart.

And in some ways, Ill never have to say goodbye.