[GW2] Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 26]

EUREKA!  I am brrrrrrrilliant!  Brrrrrrrilliant, I say!  Me prior months o' jealous competitor induced captivity in the Wiffle, Whippolonius, Tungsten, Tinkerthunk, & Fedwyk Labs Inc vaults afforded me the opportunity to formulate in me modest 'ead the final equations to complete the design o' me latest prototype:  The WWTT&F Labs Inc Brand (r) Doc Wiffle's Turbo Miracle Elixir Deliverator (tm).  I be eager to thoroughly test it in the field.  Side note:  I still need to find out if the offer I made for obtaining a lab spokesmodel for our Chin Demasculinization Cream fell through during me absence.  I still suspect me competition be be'ind this.




[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 28]

EUREKA!  Initial tests o' the WWTT&F Labs Inc Brand (r) Doc Wiffle's Turbo Miracle Elixir Deliverator (tm) prototype 'ave been a success beyond me most profitable dreams.  Since The Risen be a problem across all o' Tyria, I 'ave another idea to enhance me prototype which could prove quite lucrative.  First, I will need to produce additional batches o' an elixir kept in me lab vaults and will then 'ead to Lychcroft Mere to conduct me first set o' experiments.  More details to come later as me experiments unfold.




[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 32]

EUREKA!  Today is the day I prove to the world 'at Tyria can be rid o' its scourge o' undeath.  The Risen be like a nasty pus oozing bacterial infection--a nasty pus oozing bacterial infection o' undeath!  Therefore, I 'ave concluded 'at if treating the living 'elps to cure them o' ailments and prolong their lives, administering the exact same treatments to the dead will 'ave the opposite effect.  I 'ave filled an arsenal o' WWTT&F Labs Inc (r) Doc Wiffle's Miracle Medical Darts (tm) with special antibiotic elixir, which I will in turn inject into me subjects via me WWTT&F Labs Inc (r) Doc Wiffle's Miracle Elixir Deliverator (tm) prototype.  I will be documenting me findings soon.




[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 33]

Entry #1:
EUREKA!  While me experiments did not achieve their desired outcomes, I 'ave nonetheless taken the results as a very important breakthrough wot could not 'ave been reached without the benefit o' me brrrrrilliance.  At great risk to meself, I 'ave concluded that forcibly administering antibiotic elixir by using me WWTT&F Labs Inc (r) Doc Wiffle's Miracle Elixir Deliverator (tm) prototype loaded with WWTT&F Labs Inc (r) Doc Wiffle's Miracle Medical Darts (tm) succeeds only in increasing the anger levels of me Risen subjects.  Obviously, this is counter to the goal o' making the undead un-undead.  I believe I may need to tweak the elixir formula into something wot be less gentle, but for now I 'ave an invitation to attend a dinner party in Queensdale, no doubt to celebrate me brrrrrrilliant contributions to science, so I will pursue this later.




Entry #2
Worst.  Dinner Party.  Ever.  Bandits disrupted the entire evening's program, and even though I never 'ad the chance to see it, I'm convinced that me lifetime achievement award was salvaged for scrap.  But 'at was 'ardly worthy o' note when taking into consideration the notion that I was only one o' two Asura invited.  Inconceiveable!  'ow did all o' those leg and leaf folk manage to get invited!?

It wasn't a complete waste, 'owever.  Due to the course o' certain events this evening, me brrrrrilliant mind 'as already begun exploring the ramifications o' starting a cloning project.  A tale o' two Wiffles if ye will.  Tyria could be hurtled into a new age!  But let's be 'onest, there can only ever be ONE Doctor Wiffle.

Speaking o' which... there was this Gnat Parker character... Me old professor o' Modern Asura Psychology at the College o' Dynamics would surely find 'er to be a fascinating case study.




[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 40]

Today, I 'ad an idea for a new formula to replace the antibiotic elixir, which proved itself to be somewot ineffective against The Risen.  I don't 'ave a sufficient volume o' the components stored away in me lab vault, though, and the primary ingredient be a particularly rare fungal spore.  I'll 'ave to send out a few o' the interns to scout out environments suitable for the growth o' this fungus.  More to come.

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 41]

Entry #1:
EUREKA!  Two o' me interns returned to the lab today.  One found truffles in the caverns beneath Kessex 'ills.  Truffles. (Hmph!  I always suspected the boy 'ad been enrolled in some sort o' remedial program.  Now I 'ave proof he's found 'is calling.)  The other intern wot returned 'as found evidence that the rare fungus I be looking for would 'ave favorable growth conditions in the jungles o' the Brisban Wildlands.  I'll be recalling the rest o' the interns wot were dispatched yesterday to concentrate their search there for now.




Entry #2:
Bah!  Pigeons!  I won't rest until these messenger pigeons are replaced by a fleet o' WWTT&F Labs Inc (r) Doc Wiffle's Miracle Messenger Cyber-Pigeons (tm).  I 'ad a letter pooped on me 'ead again today.  This one was from me boy , Ewin, surprisingly enough.  It seems to be some sort o' 'eartfelt leaf folk apology letter wot comes just shy o' acquiescing me brrrrrilliance.  'owever, I don't suppose I'll be trying to expand me krewe's market penetration into leaf people lands quite yet.  They seem remarkably 'ealthy and resilient, so me focus groups will need to develop products wot the leaf folk didn't even know they needed.

Conveniently, me boy Ewin found and returned a loose page o' me journal and suspects me lab may 'ave suffered a security breach.  'ardly surprising given the recent circumstances under which me krewe was ambushed and I was locked in me own vaults!  As a future precautionary measure, I'll be coating the pages o' me journal with a special nerve elixir which will begin to take effect once the thief 'as read this far (Dear Thief:  if ye not be feeling well right about now, please return me journal plus a nominal fee for the cure specific to me security elixir's special formulation.  XOXOXO Doctor Wiffle <3 ).

Ewin also seems to believe that me plans for a Risen culling additive may 'ave been trumped as a result o' this transgression, independently developed and administered on Orr by competitors.  If this weren't pure poppycock (POPPYCOCK, I say!), I would say bring on the competition.  First, I 'ave me deliverator prototype, and soon, a far superior syrum than wot anybody else could develop, AND me lab would put it into mass production (because me PR department enjoys this sort o' thing from time to time).  The reason this be poppycock be this:  any rational hyper-genius scientist would recognize that if The Risen numbers on Orr be thinning out, it's due in no part to small victories.  It means they be spreading out across Tyria in greater numbers while no one is looking.  The rising Risen population in Lychcroft Mere be irrefutable evidence o' that!

Now, if I do discover I 'ave a leak, I will be taking this wicked leak out back where it will be party to WWTT&F Labs Inc (r) Doc Wiffle's Miracle Enhanced Interrogation Techniques (tm), a shelved prototype wot remains locked in me vaults in an 'ermetically sealed jar.

Attachment:
A Letter to Wiffle from Ewin

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 45]

HMPH!  I just found out that one o' me interns submitted a complaint to the Arcane Council about lack o' 'azard pay because 'e kept getting nibbled on by in'abitants o' Toxal Bog while searching for the rare fungus.  In order to avoid any friction between meself and me Asuran Resources department, I must refrain from identifying the intern by name.  Instead, all future mentions o' 'im will simply refer to 'im as Truffle Muncher.

Now, in Truffle Muncher's defense, when the poor lad was 'ired to work for one o' the most prestigious Asura 'ealthcare solutions krewes in Rata Sum, the complimentary travel brochure must 'ave caused 'im to confuse the job for an exotic vacation retreat, but for Eternal Alchemy's sake, 'e receives all o' 'is 'ealthcare  at no expense!  I already 'ad all o' the appropriate injections prepared and waiting for 'im.

I will be filing an appeal with the council, but in the meantime, I 'ave to recall me interns back to the lab and 'ire a third party survey krewe to finish tracking down the whereabouts o' the rare fungus.

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 48]

Dessa, me dear, 'ow did ye convince the Arcane Council to give ye a permit to operate an observatory in the sky?  I want one!  Ye taste in krewe 'eadwear also be impeccable, me dear.  I must 'ave a sample o' those as well.  Tsk!  In fact, I must 'ave as many o' them as I can get to distribute to me own krewe, and mine will be custom dyed in black, complete with flowing cape.  I will be brrrrrrrilliant and stylish.  Luxelen would be impressed that I didn't ignore all o' 'er fashion-related babble.

Who be ye supplier?  Probability models lead me to believe they may be proprietary.  Hmph!  Well, considering 'ow ye unceremoniously evicted me boy Ewin and me'self from your observatory tonight during our... spirited debate, I be inclined to set in motion plans for an 'ostile takeover now...




[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 49]

EUREKA!  The third party survey krewe I 'ad to 'ire 'as confirmed the presence o' spores from the rare fungus in an isolated corner o' the Brisban Wildlands!  Unfortunately, most o' the team came back with an assortment o' injuries.  They should rejoice, 'owever, because I plan to offer them a modest discount on the best Asura 'ealthcare services provided exclusively by WWTT&F Labs Inc.  I will be speaking with the survey krewe soon to learn more about the cause and nature o' their injuries.  Until then, I'll 'ave to move forward with a contingency plan to recruit participants in an experimental study 'eroic volunteers to assist me with the collection o' samples.

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 51]

EUREKA!  I left the marketing golems working overnight, and they 'ave successfully reproduced a large stack o' flyers advertising me need for volunteers to 'elp me mount an expedition to Aurora.  Me fastidious calculations 'ave indicated that wind currents will be optimal today, and so I will toss these leaflets over a ledge in Rata Sum later today.  Mark me words, pigeons o' Tyria (on second thought, ye've done quite enough o' that already).  I be looking to put an end to ye dropping-stained, monopolistic strangle'old over long distance missive routing!!!





[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 61]

EUREKA!  Me expedition recovered a significant sample o' bizarrely well-guarded spores wot will 'elp me mass produce a stockpile o' experimental WWTT&F Labs Inc. Brand® Miracle Stay Unrisen Elixir™.  The component 'as been entrusted with me Nurse o' the Day who will be securing  wot 'as been collected within the WWTT&F Labs Inc.™ vault.

As for another matter, I clearly did not produce enough flyers.  Me response rate was disappointing.  In order to recruit an 'igher number o' 'eroes in the future--assuming a consistent rate o' conversion--I will need to dispense a larger quantity o' promotional material so that more eyes can see the tantalizing incentives wot be offered by WWTT&F Labs Inc.™

The Eternal Alchemy be at work, though, for me boys Ewin and Rafe 'arkner and me dear Gnat Parker all arrived at the point o' departure to lend an 'and.  I'm not entirely sure wot'ever became o' me boy Rafe, 'owever.  Either I misplaced 'im or 'e ended up taking a nap in one o' the tents.  Nobody else seemed to be bothered by this, so I can't imagine it's a terribly important detail.  Tsk.  Personally, I think the boy be afraid o' needles and got squeamish when I mentioned it would be prudent to 'ave a pre-expeditionary jungle inoculation.





[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 62]

INFURIATING!  Me Nurse o' the Day 'as been unable to find where yesterday's Nurse o' the Day stored me spore samples.  I 'aven't been able to start on production o' a test batch o' the elixir yet.  HMPH!

Complicating matters further, me intra-lab communication stone 'as been picking up interference all day.  I suspect me former Nurse o' the Day sabotaged it in some way to prevent me from being able to reach 'er.  The nerve!  Does she not KNOW who I am!?

In any event, this 'ammer frequency I seem to 'ave intercepted should make for a brrrilliant market expansion opportunity.  Therefore, I now classify this particular malfunction as 100% functioning as intended.

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 63]

I spent the day trying to track down clues to the whereabouts o' me Nurse o' Two Days Ago, but the investigation was temporarily suspended when I 'eard a call for 'elp through me communication stone.

Underwater diving around Risen-infested shipwrecks is normally a perfect opportunity to market me services, but unfortunately fortunately, that wasn't necessary.  Unless ye count the lad with the missing arm wot turned up.  That be the lad, not the arm.  'e be well beyond 'is expiry date and the aid o' any flavor o' WWTT&F Labs Inc. Brand® miracle elixirs, though.

Also, this be a reminder for me to acquire a new watertight business card 'older.  Nearly all o' me cards got soaked, but I was able to offer an only slightly damp one to the lass wot seemed to be in charge o' the underwater search.





[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 70]

One o' me lab technicians 'as approached me with information concerning the last sighting o' me missing former Nurse o' the Day from immediately after the Aurora expedition.

An investigation 'as uncovered a strange tuft o' skritt fur, but the results o' the analysis are somewot perplexing in that the fur does not belong to skritt native to the Maguuma Jungle but rather those o' the Shiverpeaks.

It be me plan to follow up on this lead personally.





[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 83]

I be freezing me ears off.  I've found a lot o' cold weather skritt in the Shiverpeaks but no further clues.  While I'm in the region, I should probably take the opportunity to pay a visit to the Priory to check in me latest medical publication draft, "The Importance o' Being Wiffle," but that will 'ave to wait until later.

When I stopped off at 'oelbrak to warm me ears and toes, I was suprised to see me boys 'arkner and Ewin in addition to many o' the 'ammerfolk preparing to journey to some poorly lit ruins, which led to the discovery o' an artifact wot was thoroughly coated in the gastric juices o' a massive skelk-like beast.

I suspect someone--per'aps me boy Ewin--must 'ave learned o' me travel plans and devised a creative way to get the grrrrreat and wondermous Doctor Wiffle o' Wiffle, Whippolonius, Tungsten, Tinkerthunk, & Fedwyk Labs Inc. to accompany them merely to ensure that the aura o' me brrrrilliance would guarantee the success o' their mission.  Very clever, me boy.  Very clever.  I knew ye'd be warming up to me eventually.

All in all, an amusing and successful diversion from me matters at 'and.

Side note:  I was disappointed in the lack o' Thermaunovic Spherical Charges in the supply cache, but I was advised--by Magiere, I believe--that this could be avoided in the future by submitting a stack o' paperwork.





[Season o' the Zephyr, Day 85]

HMPH!  I was informed via pigeon dropping today that me appeal in the matter o' Truffle Muncher 'as been denied by the Arcane Council.  Inconceivable!  Don't they know who I am!?  I will be composing a strongly worded letter with me response.

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Phoenix, Day 2]

HMPH!  It never stops snowing 'ere.  After resuming me 'unt several days ago, I called on several o' me interns to join me in Lornar's Pass so that we may be miserable together can establish a perimeter and tighten it until we 'ave finally trapped the thief.





[Season o' the Phoenix, Day 3]

If I weren't such a brrrrrilliant doctor, I could 'ave been a ranger--me tracking skills impress even me!  I 'ave reason to believe the thief 'as retreated underground--probably burying me precious spores!  Me interns will be monitoring all cave entrances in the area for any suspicious comings and goings.  'owever, they 'ave been instructed to not stray from their lookout points.  I 'ardly intend to sit through another 3 hour meeting with Asura Resources.

Since we be in the area, and since it be clear that it won't be possible to complete this task alone, I be paying a visit to the Priory later today to draft up some publication materials in more 'ospitable conditions and then be forwarding wot I draw up to me staff at me lab for efficient mass duplication and distribution.

'opefully, I can be done with this business soon, so we can all 'ead back to Rata Sum and attend Moto's fascinating exposition!

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Phoenix, Day 7]

EUREKA!  Despite the Bumbleshins lad getting lost (but with the tangle o' unecessarily tall legs all around us, I can 'ardly blame 'im), me mission into the Windy Cave was a success.  A SUCCESS, I SAY!  One more possible location o' the whereabouts o the skritt thief and me rare spores 'as been... eliminated...

BAH!  This be pure poppycock!  POPPYCOCK, I say!  Hmph.  I be no closer to tracking down this thief or recovering me spores than the day me former nurse went missing.  The cave was well protected and quite possibly just as well stocked with artifacts as it is with ruins, but the signs o' the skritt thief were scarce.  Me interns must 'ave allowed 'im to escape with me prized elixir component.

While me team o' intrepid (and, might I add, waivered) spelunkers uncovered a chest deep inside the cavern, signs o' me spores were nowhere to be found--just some cheap, tarnished pendant dangling on a dirty chain wot looked like a key in the shape o' an 'ammer (or an 'ammer in the shape o' a key?).  Tsk.  No matter.  It be junk!  Junk, I say!

Even though I tossed it aside, me dear Magiere seemed to take some sort o' interest in it--wot'ever floats 'er boat...  (Per'aps that be a poor choice o' words?  Tsk.)

After me quest concluded, I 'eaded to the Priory with the tuft o' skritt fur wot was found where me former nurse was last seen and conducted some additional investigative research on it overnight.  I was surprised to discover that the skritt fur be synthetically manufactured... out o' strands o' Asura 'air.

This revelation be curious.  Maybe there never was a skritt thief after all.  I be beginning to think per'aps me boy Ewin be right [ink blot] is correct [smeared ink] 'as a point (note: I'll not be letting this get around without risking 'aving the boy develop a swelled 'ead).  At any rate, this merits restarting me investigation to see if any other evidence may 'ave been overlooked.

One last note:  the lad wot signed 'is waiver under the name o' Keller 'ayes (or was it Kelso 'ughes?  Or Kerry 'anks?  Tsk.  I'll look it up again later) looks and sounds suspiciously like someone wot I've met before, but I can't place me ears on it.  I'd better keep me eyes on that one.

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Phoenix, Day 13]

There was an expedition arranged by the Magiere lass today.  Something involving a search for artifacts at a Priory dig site.  There apparantly be more o' those wretched metal 'ammer keys!  BAH!  I can't imagine why she be taking such an interest in them.  And wouldn't ye know that some bloody skritt seems to be obsessed over them.  Something wot me boy Ewin couldn't 'elp 'imself from constantly reminding me about.  Hmph!

Any'ow, I used this trip as an opportunity to expense a marketing initiative.  Plenty o' WWTT&F Labs Inc.™ brand WWTT&F Labs Inc.™ business cards were passed around.  With the 'elp of the Durmand Priory, demand for WWTT&F Labs Inc. goods and services will be on the rrrrise!

I couldn't 'help but notice that the lad wot Ewin 'as been 'anging about with lately was also present again.  This time 'e says 'e be going by the name o' Keyes.  I be trying to figure out if this be 'is real name or merely a clever branding experiment for the expedition.  Tsk.  'e really doesn't seem that clever, actually.  'owever, I can't 'elp but feel like I've met this boy Keyes somewhere else before.

One thing worth note:  between a raid o' Inquest in New Skrittstead and a subsequent ambush o' Risen who seemed very un'appy about our plans to leave, the boy Keyes arranged 'imself an impressive and 'asty retreat like few I've ever seen before.  That boy be wearing Slick Shoes.

I wonder if Ewin be wearing a pair o' those now, too.  'e quickly disappeared chasing after the other lad, I think.  Hmph.  Hmph, I say!

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Phoenix, Day 20]

Today, the Asura lass wot calls 'erself Mippse issued a distress call requesting the assembly o' a search party for Goose ('er assistant as best as I can tell).  Now, this be an odd name even by leg folk standards.  I can't imagine wot kind o' psychological trauma 'is parents 'ad intended to inflict on 'im.  Any'ow, as far as recovering missing persons goes, I was the natural self-'andpicked choice for any potential medical emergencies requiring Asura ingenuity.

Fortunately, 'er assistant be clumsy, so we were able to follow a trail o' dropped belongings, and thanks to me brrrrrilliance-boosting presence, we found 'im.  Seems the lad was in bad shape after being abducted and 'eld captive by this new Molten Alliance menace wot's been a growing problem in recent weeks.

The 'eadline o' the day, 'owever, has to be me boy Ewin because the improbable 'as finally 'appened!

The leaf lad obviously 'as some trust issues, but at long last, 'e 'as stopped resisting me cranial overtures by requesting 'elp... assistance... the benefit o' me world-reknowned brrrrilliance (and altruism)... a favor... me professional opinion... etcetera, etcetera....  While not medically related, it still be a baby step, and before long we'll be sailing!

The problem?  Aside from some sort o' deep-rooted paranoia?  The problem be that WWTT&F Labs Inc. 'asn't opened a branch o' Clinical Asuran Psychology for Pod People wot I can send 'im to yet so that we can find out if the apple just didn't fall far from the orchard.  Now, in all 'onesty, 'e be very worked up about some sort o' communication device wot was given to 'im by someone wot 'e isn't sure be trustworthy (see wot I mean?).

I 'ave no idea who 'e be talking about or wot sort o' transaction 'e might 'ave involved 'imself in, so I suppose it doesn't 'urt to applaud the boy for being cautious.  I thoroughly examined the device for 'im (this be one o' those moments when a WWTT&F Labs Inc.™ Brand Doc Wiffle's Miracle Portable Radiation Lab® comes in 'andy), and me assessment be that it is functioning exactly as intended: it be completely innocuous, and 'e would 'ave complete control over its functionality to broadcast or receive to or from a similarly attuned device (although this gives me a wonderful idea for a remotely activated self-destruct option!).  'e seemed satisfied with me diagnosis, and I won't even bill 'im for it (see, I be altruistic).

There be another matter, 'owever.  The other boy wot seems to still be calling 'imself Keyes was present again.  Coincidence?  Per'aps.  There were quite a few o' us, and we 'ad all just completed a successful rescue mission after all, but me boy Keyes seems to 'ave a 'idden penchant for an unusual brand o' furniture carpentry, though, wot makes me concerned for me boy Ewin's safety.  I would miss the boy if I ever found out Keyes 'as refined Ewin into existence as a coffee table.  'e keeps me sharp.

Since I be on the topic o' missing persons (and persons potentially lacquered and shellacked out o' existence), I finally got a good look at the Slick Shoes lad and 'ave concluded that the reason I may think 'e looks familiar be due to 'is vague resemblance to me boy Rafe 'arkner, who (now that I think about it) I 'aven't seen in quite some time.  In fact, I don't believe I've ever seen them in the same place at the same time.  Per'aps this strange Keyes lad 'as already set 'is plan into action and 'as turned me boy Rafe into a footstool and 'as begun altering 'is face to look more like Rafe in order to lull me boy Ewin into a false sense o' security wot will then lead to 'im catching Ewin off guard as soon as 'e be ready to turn 'im into furniture.

Hmph.  I really need to be turning me attention back to me missing spores and the fabricated skritt fur, so I 'll 'ave to table me 'ypothesis for now.  But, by me ears, I be keeping a close watch on that one.

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Phoenix, Day 37]

Me business lunch with Moto did not end as I'd 'oped it would.  In the end, 'e declined WWTT&F Labs Inc.'s bid to license 'is S.A.B. to be adapted for use in the field o' Asura 'ealthcare.  OBVIOUSLY me Legal department botched the negotations.  Otherwise, me idea to 'old a banquet wot was entirely cubist themed should 'ave completely won 'im over.  The entree was a cubical 'am-like, semi-gelatinous meat product!  Delicious, nutritious, and brrrrrilliant!

Fortunately, after 'e finished a nature break o' peculiar duration, I 'ad the opportunity to take Moto aside to discuss a private matter, and as a personal favor, 'e 'as agreed to allow me some rental time with the S.A.B. at some point in the future in order to develop a simulation wot may 'elp me reduce the number o' scenarios under which me rare spores went missing so that I can expedite their recovery.

Oh, yes.  And me former nurse, too.

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Phoenix, Day 52]

An invitation arrived at me lab today from me boy Ewin, and it seems 'e plans to throw a surprise birthday celebration for Slick Shoes.

The biggest surprise be on me, though, because 'e just revealed to me that Keyes be an 'arkner!  It be clear to me now why me boy Rafe 'as been missing for so long: Keyes 'as come to usurp the 'arkner patriarchy!

Consequently, I be planning a suprise o' me own.





[Season o' the Phoenix, Day 55]

Today was Keyes' party, and while I may 'ave been furious when I finally 'ad the chance to corner 'im about Rafe 'arkner's disappearance, it seems I may 'ave made a slight miscalculation.  Slick Shoes did not abduct me boy Rafe 'arkner after all.  'e 'as been 'elping the lad recover from wounds.  Some poppycock about 'aving rejoined the Lionguard.

In spite o' me mistake rounding error, the celebration actually went quite well.  I suppose this Keyes 'arkner lad maybe probably possibly isn't such a bad lad after all--but 'e still wears Slick Shoes.

Wot be baffling to me, 'owever, is 'ow everyone overreacted to me physical examination tactics!  Ye'd think these leg folk 'ave never seen a WWTT&F Labs Inc.™ Doc Wiffle's Miracle Rocket Launcher & Automated Booster Shot System® with the automated booster shot mode toggled in the 'on' position before!  Tsk.

The next time I need to be discreet, I'll invite me suspect to me lab for the complimentary birthday "Physical Examination plus Bedside Small Talk" package instead o' the 'alf price "Innoculation Interview".

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Phoenix, Day 63]

Bah!  It be fortunate that me intern be inept at following instructions.  I already tried to crumple up this piece o' poppycock letter from some M.I.B agent once already, but Legal insisted on seeing it.  Details, details.

I was assured that the spot o' confusion with the Magic Inspectors Bureau from several years ago 'ad been cleared up.  Infuriating!  Infuriating, I say!

WWTT&F Labs Inc. prides itself on engineering cutting edge Asura 'ealthcare industry solutions.  There be nothing magic about that.  Although, from a management perspective, a small change in policy with regard to magic use in Marketing and Asura Resources could make many day-to-day inconveniences go away.  Per'aps I'll bring up the motion in the next board meeting.





[Season o' the Phoenix, Day 69]

I 'ad a few strong words with M.I.B. Agent Fricx today.

The bad news be that the field triage support I provided on one o' me expeditions with the Destiny's 'ammer krewe may 'ave exposed me'self and any number o' the others to the signature o' a rather pedestrian-looking, yet potent, magical artifact.  'e suspects theft.  I suspect poppycock.  Poppycock, I say!

The good news be that I've confirmed that this matter be unrelated to WWTT&F Labs Inc.'s prior incident with the M.I.B.

The better news be that the development o' me WWTT&F Labs Inc.™ Doc Wiffle's Miracle Magic Resonance Imaging Table®--used for detecting illness originating though magical vectors--may offer an interesting opportunity for a future business partnership with Fricx.

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
Professor o' Asura Healthcare Gizmology
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division

[Season o' the Phoenix, Day 80]

Since the end o' the SAB Expo in Rata Sum, Moto 'as furthered the progress o' our agreement by taking the time to interview me technicians, orderlies, and interns--asking questions about me missing Nurse o' the Day (from many, many days ago) and the last time me rare spore samples were seen.

I 'ave received recent communication from 'im advising that 'e 'as completed the collection o' site and witness data and 'as begun processing the information through a number o' SAB filters wot will be able to construct an interactive simulation.

Moto should be in touch soon, and I will finally be able to review the final product and make some progress in me stagnant investigation.





[Season o' the Phoenix, Day 81]

EUREKA!  I be doing stellar business with me marketing efforts at Dragon Bash in Lion's Arch.  WWTT&F Labs Inc.™  Doc Wiffle's Miracle 'angover Elixir® and WWTT&F Labs Inc.™ Doc Wiffle's Miracle Anti-Nausea Juice® be popular sellers.

I've also solicited feedback on me Dragon Ball sponsorship experiment.  Next year, I be 'oping to emboss the Dragon Balls with a WWTT&F Labs Inc. logo in reverse so that fore'eads across Tyria will double for advertising space.  BRRRRRILLIANT!   Brrrrilliant, I say!

[Jasyn]

Doc Wiffle's Journal o' Asura Medicine
The Office o' Doctor Wiffle
WWTT&F Labs Inc, Engineering Division
"Engineering Tomorrow's Better Asura Healthcare Solutions Yesterday"

[Season o' the Scion, Day 15]

Ah, life as an asura genius be fantastiplid!  It would appear that me engagement calendar is filling up quickly with promotional opportunities.

I 'ave been spending quite a bit o' time within the Labyrinthine Cliffs--where this Bazaar o' the Four Winds 'as been found--rigging up kite baskets with advertising media for WWTT&F Labs Inc.  They be flying on the winds all across Tyria just falling from the sky.   Brrrrrilliant (and cost effective)!





[Season o' the Scion, Day 40]

The 'uman queen's jubilee be underway in their manmade capital city-canyon.  Hmph!  When I received me personal invitation, I was under the impression that this was to be me long awaited lifetime achievement award ceremony.

Nevertheless, a marketing opportunity be a marketing opportunity.  WWTT&F Labs Inc. posters for every 'ot air balloon tower!  I be posting these up personally for now, but may recruit a volunteer or two since the geographic spread be a bit much for me (vastly superior) right-sized legs.

The Crown Pavilion be filled with brutish competitors wot 'ave an abundance o' free time and an overestimation o' their vulnerabilities--obviously, a perfect time to 'and out extra business cards and free emergency medical aid samples.





[Season o' the Scion, Day 55]

Me boy Ewin offered up a magnifitasticus idea wot I'm sure must 'ave been inspired by me presence.  I think I may 'ave to 'ijack secure passage on one o' the 'ot air balloons, taking a leisurely cruise above Tyria while distributing WWTT&F pamphlets from the air!  'e be brrrrrilliant!  Brrrrrrilliant, I say!  But let's not 'ave that getting out.

Wot with the recent distractions at the jubiliee created by that madwoman, Scarlet Briar (if I were to never 'ear that name again, it still would 'ave been too soon), it's been more difficult moving to and fro on me rounds.  I've recruited the assistance o' some dim leg folk lad at the jubilee who 'as been annoying the spark out o' me today asking for an 'andout for ale... not never... not never ever... but ONCE!

'e actually 'ad the gall to offer to "gladly pay me early next week for an ale today."  Bah!  Me time be too precious!  Just to keep 'im busy, 'e'll be watching me extra inventory o' business cards, promotional posters, and me spare collapsible lab table, and I will reward 'is diligence with an abundant supply o' WWTT&F Labs Inc.™ Doc Wiffle's Miracle 'angover Elixir® (from the looks o' it, the lad could probably stand to use some).

I 'ave provided 'im one o' me backup communicators so that I can contact 'im when I be ready to collect me belongings and remunerate for services rendered.  I've also warned the boy that if me inventory is not returned intact, I will be keeping a detailed description o' 'is knees in me journal's appendix which I will use to identify 'im and 'unt 'im down.  Tsk.





[Season o' the Scion, Day 67]

EUREKA!  Today, I was party to an Orr expedition wot led to an investigation o' the Lost City o' Arah.  If Zhaitan were an elemental dragon o' marketing, raising sunken landmasses from beneath the ocean waves may 'ave been a partially brrrrrrilliant move on 'is part if one wishes to expand market penetration by physically expanding geographic territories.

'owever, being an Elder Dragon o' undeath, this place absolutely requires a full cleansing followed by a repopulation effort with an appropriate target demographic for increased market penetration.  More than ever, it be imperative that I locate me missing spores so that I can finally finish me anti-undead elixir field tests.

To that end, now that 'is SAB be back in service, Moto 'as promised to create an 'olographic recording o' the simulation wot I requested a while ago.  Apparantly, 'e needed to free up storage space for advanced levels o' SAB tutelage.  Hmph.

And one final footnote: during the Arah expedition, our party put to rest an undead female Giganticus Lupicus.  The exmanination o' the specimen's gender, 'owever, was made under duress... and also under the assumption that no bits 'ave fallen off over the centuries.  Of this I can be 100% certain: the observations were not conducted under springtime fresh conditions.





[Season o' the Scion, Day 69]

BAH!  Do they not know who I AM!?  Now that the jubilee be over, I returned to that manmade canyon folly wot the Krytans love so much, and I was detained by the Seraph for six 'ours!  SIX 'OURS, I SAY!

They said I assaulted an innocent man's ankles and merely laughed at me when I protested by producing me accurately rendered knee sketch identifying the lad and explaining that the drunkard broke our agreement and sold off me bags for beer.

The lad said 'e 'ad no idea who I was (IMPOSSIBLE!), and 'e had no idea wot bags or agreement I be talking about, but I can see through the ruse.  I can see through it, I say!

In the end, the Seraph sent me on me way with a smile.  HMPH!  I still don't 'ave me bags!  And it be obvious that filing a complaint with these bookah will not get me anywhere!