Rejects - EQ2 - 3/1/05

[Anaris]

Pryce

Pryce is sitting at a table in the corner of the tavern. He's got a rucksack in his lap, and he's pulling out various often-shiny trinkets: rings, bracelets, necklaces, tiaras, daggers, oddly-shaped stones in various colors, spectacles, widgets you have no name for, and thingamabobs you can only guess at. As he pulls each one out, he turns it over, inspects it, and either places it in a pocket of his robe or sets it aside onto the table.

When asked about what he's doing, he smiles warmly and explains:

When I... returned from my somewhat unexpected sleep, I tried jewelcrafting as I did five hundred years ago, when magic was... was very different. The crafting of enchanted items was very different. I could simply pour magic into something and shape it, and it would be what I desired.

I created wonders in those days: rings of invisibility, talismans of spell warding, things that could make you float, things that would unlock Other Places, things that would make you wonder.

My crafting produced... well, not at all the results I expected. This ring, he says, holding up a lovely silver and green band, protects you from sausage. Or that belt, he says, pointing vaguely at the pile on the table, will apparently turn you into a particularly witless gopher. And with that, he places the Ring of Protection from Sausage in the cast-off pile.

I am therefore going through this cast-off jewelry and determining which items are worth keeping. I'd intended this brooch, for instance, to protect one from disease, but instead, it allows the wearer to speak in Ancient Dragon. This, Pryce places in his pocket.

What? Oh, certainly. Feel free to take what you like from that pile. I've no use for any of it.

The high elf then goes back to his sorting, oblivious to all other things.


Ellendrielle

After hearing the beautifully worded answer to her question, her eyes drift to the sparkling pile of rejects.

"Sausage? As in ground up, pork?"

Arching a slender eyebrow she reaches for it. Slipping the magnificent piece onto her gracious finger, she eyes it with a smile.

In an attempt to raise Pryce's mood, she wriggles her splendidly bejeweled finger infront of his face, despite his attempts to ignore her."

"You never know when you'll be acousted by swine."


Bindi

"Ain't that tha truth! I pert near got run over by Jumjum the other day in tha Baubleshire..." the halfling peeked over the edge of Pryce's table. "Oh lookie at all tha shiney things!"

She reached out and picked up a trinket in a slightly wrinkled hand and held it up to the light. "Wot do this one do?"


Lyrima

Lyrima slips the cracked coral into her pack and heads over to inspect to Pryce's pile of jewelry.

"Sir Illusionist, do you have anything of use for the slaying of foes now?"

Cool blue eyes range over the table. "I know nothing of that long ago past," her tone clearly indicating she has no desire to know more, "I wish only to keep Qeynos and my beloveds safe."


Anaris

*looks up from her Vanity Faire magazine*

Did Pryce say he had...sparkly, shiny things?

*glazed look on her face*


Authroc

/hijackon

((what? Nobody pinched the witless gorpher belt yet???  I would, but Leskin just isn't the character to do that sort of thing. Of course back with the Clan of Brothers in EQ 1 Authroc would have pinched it ASAP to use on his adopted uncle Jorlik. more  ))

/hijakoff


Pryce

I'm afraid that none of the weapons actually help one kill a foe. Although that ring over there causes the wearer's head to disappear. Speaking of which, Bindi, I'd advise against putting it on.


Flann

Curiosity overcoming him, Flann reaches over Bindi's shoulder to touch a ring she is pointing at just as Pryce mentions something about it making heads disappear. Snatching his hand back quickly, and not wanting to seem a coward, he turns the movement into brushing down his mustache. Looking around to see if anyone saw him, he says,

"That's an interesting collection you have there, friend. I wish I had more time to look at it, but I need to get back to... uh... you see, there's this thing... "

Seeing that Pryce is not really paying attention to him, Flann hastily retreats to the bar, mumbling about silly people wanting trinkets when good plate armor and a stout hammer are availabe.


Bindi

Bindi purses her lips as she eyes the ring. You can almost see the gears turning in her mind as she gets a twinkle in her eye and quickly slips the ring into a belt pouch.

"Oh...I see. Hmm...Ye dun got nothing wot kin make jumjum, do ya?"

The halfling woman flashes an innocent smile at Pryce.


Rosebud

-tiny ears perk up as she overhears something about making people's heads disappear-

Hmmmmm ... ye got anything that makes big explosions? Or anything to do with large axes?

-the tiny gnome eyes the tall elf with a hopeful, and slightly worrying, look in her eyes-


Pryce

Indeed, Bindi, there's an earring that causes jumjum to pour out of the wearer's nose at a somewhat alarming rate. I thought the better of trying to sell it in the Baubbleshire.

Oh, and Rosebud, most of the jewelry that causes explosions was blown up. Seems someone tried to shoplift from the Emporium. There *is* a bracelet that causes axes to be drawn to the wearer, however. I've not found a practical application for it, yet.


Jasyn

"Hm," Jasyn grunts silently as he rummages through the odd baubles, pretending he's heard every word that Pryce had been uttering.

"Alrighty!"

He spins around toward the elf, intrusively raising an empty mug just slightly below Pryce's nose. In his other hand, he dangles a tiny earring next to Pryce's ear.

"Hey there, fella! Can ya give us a demonstration of how this thing here works? I hope it, like, gushes JumJum ale 'n not that fizzlepop stuff."


Katu

Bah.

The dwarf growls as he passes what appears to be Jasyn looking for a handout and a tableful of junk.

I donna care abou' no jumjum inducin' earring, or blowin' up necklaces, Katu eyes the small obnoxious, they all are, gnome.

Wha' I be needin' is a writin' stick. Somethin' I can talk ta an' it can write fer me. So I donna need ta see the paper.

Either that o' this thing 'ere.

The Dwarf holds up what looks like a spatula and waves it around at Wryn.

This thing any g'd?


Pryce

Fails to notice as Wryn, at the wave of a spatula, turns into a llama. He speaks distractedly, turning a jewel-encrusted sash over and over in his hands. He appears not to notice the mug nor the earring dangling perilously close to his ear.

You're welcome to try it on if you like, Jasyn. As I said, I've no use for any of those trinkets. I'm no connossieur of jumjum; you'd have to ask Tuppen.

Katu, your idea is an interesting one. I've never tried fashioning such an item. Perhaps if one could bring me a quill... yes, I think periodot would work well for that...

A gnome could probably tinker something acceptable, as well. Pryce pauses to reflect. Do they still tinker these days? I hadn't thought to ask...


Wryn

POOF!

*blinks, her now incredibly long eyelashes fluttering*

Baaaa?

*spits on Katu*


Dojaeni

Enters with a cheerful smile on his face "good day all!" spotting the collection of jewelery "o nice, got anything there i could get for Wryn?".

Begins rummaging around next to Jasyn "what ya got there mate?" spotting the camel giving Katu the evil eye "ummm...why is there a camel here? Anyone? isnt qeymnos a bit cold for them?"


Lyrima

*coughs discretely*

That would be a llama.

*nods to Wryn*

*frowns faintly*


Rosebud

-peers at the llama in delight, and feeds it ale-


Anaris

*stares at the llama, completely boggled*

It......uh......Wr.....

*sighs*


Pryce

Pryce sits bolt upright, alarmed.

Oh, dear me. I left an aquamarine soaking in essence of life leech and forgot all about it.

The high elf stands bolt upright, slinging his pack of unsorted jewelry over his shoulder, and heads out the Tavern's door in a not-inconsiderable hurry.

Back in a bit.

The pile of rejected magical items remains on the table.


Katu

Oh By Brell!
WHa' did this do? Katu stares blindly at the creature in front of him.
I know I be blind bu' I swear that be a centaur in front o' us.
WHy an' where did it come from?
Eyeballs. Come 'ere an' take a look.
Spunky, Wryn, WHa' we gonna do with this thing?
AN' Pryce... Pryce, WHere did that fool elf go?


Wryn

*licks Katu on the cheek*

BAAAAA!

*prances around and flutters her new amazingly long eyelashes*


Anaris

*watches Pryce walk away*

Oh dear... You can't go Pryce! Don't leave me with this mess! Sir Katu expects me to do something about it! Me!

*sighs and speaks to Katu in a low voice, so Dojaeni doesn't hear a thing*

Well, I can try finding an antidote that will reverse the effects of this....this curse. But, Wryn is the alchemist that can make these potions, and she's...well......a llama! Either we find another alchemist, maybe Banco, or.....well, we'll just have to kill her to avoid the scandal..... *nods*


Wryn

*backs slowly away from Ana*

Baaa? BAAA!!!

*stumbles over the gnome table, knocks over three chairs and a keg*

Baaaa....

*plops down on her bum, her big eyes filling with tears*


Pryce

And suddenly, Wryn turns into an aardvark.


Anaris

Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!

*runs around screaming frantically, scared out of her wit*


Wryn

*still plopped on her bum, aardvark wryn begins to pout*


Rosebud

-attempts to give the aardvark some rum, as this always cheered up her grandmother-


Wryn

*tries to drink the rum but only succedes in sticking her snout in the glass*

*twitches her head and sneezes*

*chuffs pitifully*


Lyrima

*blinks amazed blue eyes at the pouting aardvark*

*steps delicately to the door*

Flann? Wystro? ALWYNN!

*turns back to the strewn table, collected Saga guild members and Wryn*

Surely one of these items will help..?

*gracefully gestures to the items left behind by Pryce*

Maybe Sir Kuladen must needs be called.


Elloise

Elloise, in all her beauty and grace, breezes into the tavern that she had not set foot in for far too long.

On her way to the bar she passes the frantic screaming Koada'dal, the ale guzzling gnome with the delightful childlike grin, the handsome drunkard, the beauty with the blue eyes, Katu waving a spatula like a desert madman and the crying aardvark.

Gingerly placing herself upon a bar stool, she raises a slender milky hand and asks the keep for her favorite, white wine from the pink bottle. Wetting her lips in anticipation, she glances to her left at the armor clad warrior. She'd always had a thing for moustached men. Winking a warm hello to the man, she turns her gaze to the middle of the room at the crazy folks she was privileged to call family.

"Just as I left them."

A smile spreads across her full lips and she whispers under her breathe how good it feels to be back.


Pryce

...And for no apparent reason, Wryn turns into an ostrich...


Namae

(some image that is now lost goes here)
a very adorable ostrich.....

((Click it if it doesn't work. It's also a link. And if THAT doesn't work, right click to copy the shortcut. Then Paste it into you Address bar.))


Lyrima

((didn't work  with clicking either))


Wryn

"Chirp!"

Now a good two feet taller than anyone in the room, ostrich-Wryn blinks slowly, fluttering her now even LONGER eyelashes.

Arching her long neck around, she notices that she's now covered in feathers, which probably explains the itching.

"Chirp..."

Pecking gently at Dojaeni's ear, she waits to see what can be done to remedy this problem.


Katu

ELF!!

Fix this now. I donna like all the random animals a'ready runnin' aroun' the tavern. Now we be makin' mo. An' outta people I actually donna mind havin' aroun'. Katu eyes Rosebud.

Jus' turn her back, an' then get this junk, he gestures to the table, picking up a rather pequliar lime green brooch,[outta 'ere.
Unless ye can do somethin' abou' that pen, then we need ta talk.

Fer now, I'm jus' gonna turn Wryn invisible so we donna scare off any customers.
We gotta make a profit 'ere. How else we gonna feed the blast'd zoo we got.

Katu says a short, quiet incantation and points at the ostrich, unfortunately still holding the brooch.


Pryce

And, almost predictably, Wryn returns to normal, Katu turns into an ostrich, and the brooch turns invisible, clattering to the floor.


Rosebud

-the aardvark having vanished, Rosebud feeds the rum to Eyeballs instead-


Jasyn

Still hoping that he's uncovered the source of an endless supply of jumjum beer... and not noticing that Rosebud seems to be freely handing out rum... Jasyn struts up to ostrich-Katu, and dangles Pryce's trinket-earring in front of him along with an empty mug still outstretched in his other hand.

Unsure of where he'd put the earring, he tries to quickly toss it into the bird's open maw, reasoning irrationally that it'll start spitting out jumjum beer instead of the earring itself. But sure enough, the earring returns, like a projectile, to his eye.

Jasyn slowly glances toward the ceiling as an uproarious rumble builds to a sudden crescendo. Going completely numb, he drops his mug. As it spins and skips across the tavern floor, a massive pile of sausage links falls from above, effectively burying the thirsty Ayr'dal.

Muffled words roughly akin to "Rats!" or perhaps "Brats!" can be heard from somewhere deep inside all the sausage.

Jasyn's face pops out from the top of the sausage-mound, and he calls out to Pryce, "Hey, fella? I think I'm, um, like, kinda sorta maybe interested in that ring of sausage warding ya got now..."

[Anaris]

Lyrima

*hastily steps out of the way of falling pork*

*stares in wonder at the mound with Jasyn's voice*

*glances around for Pryce, knowing he has already left*

*coughs discretely*

I believe I will seek out one of the other officers as Katu seems to have..

*voice fades away as blue eyes travel between the ostrich and Lady Wryn*


Wryn

"Chirp? *cough* I mean...er..."

Wryn glances around the tavern at the ungodly mess. Pursing her lips and cocking an eyebrow, her gaze turns to ostrich-Katu.

"Well I'll be...You know, they say an ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. In this case, I tend to agree!"

Laughing heartily she pats the ostrich on it's head and tries to unbury whomever is burried in sausage.


Pryce

The air shimmers, and Pryce appears in the room, walking back to the corner table. He's got the rucksack of jewelry slung over his shoulder. He's also in mid-sentence, muttering to himself.

...nearly a bloody disast--

Pryce surveys the room.

Oh, goodness me. This is bad. This is very, VERY bad.

There's a horrible rumbling, and the sausage pile engulfing Jasyn begins to rise. The links slither this way and that, as the thing grows arms and legs. Within moments, what can only be called a sausage elemental is standing in the middle of the Saga tavern. Jasyn is plopped on the floor as the creature rises.

You know, I knew I'd left that sausage elemental somewhere. I sort of dabbled in summoning a while back.

Meanwhile, Katu, for a moment no longer the center of the room's attention, turns into a squirrel.

Get back, friends. That elemental is going to be terribly hungry after its long captivity.


Rosebud

-watches in fascination as Eyeballs begins to hiccup-


Pryce

Pryce leaps over to the table of rejected magical items and frantically sifts through it.

Where is it...? Where is it...? A-HA!

Grabbing a ring from the table and slipping it onto a finger, he swivels and brandishes it at the sausage elemental.

Back, demon! While I wear this ring, you're powerless to harm me!

Now, ah... has anyone seen a certain gem-encrusted spatula? It'd be quite useful just now...

As if on cue, Katu turns into a schnauser.


Lyrima

*gracefully reaches for the gem spatula under the table*

*stands up*

*slender fingers push the stray braid from her face*

This one, Sir Pryce?

*holds the spatula very still, parallel to the floor*


Pryce

Yes, indeed, m'lady, that one. Would you be a dear and wave it at the sausage elemental? I'm afraid it's moments away from devouring Jasyn.


Jasyn

Jasyn stares at Pryce and Lyrima blankly as she begins waving the infamous spatula at the sausage-creature.

"Wha? Whad'ya plan on doin' to it? Grillin' it over an open flame!?"

The pile of pork product stares at Jasyn rudely (presuming the facial expressions of sausage elementals have been correctly interpreted here).

"What're ya lookin' at fella? Don't look at me like that!"

He tries a distraction technique. "Oooh! What's that over there?" Jasyn quickly points at schnauser-Katu.


Anaris

*immediately shifts her eyes toward the cute little schnauzer*

Puppy!!

*runs over and pets the schnauzer, completely forgetting there is a sausage elemental on the loose*

*ties a pink bow to the schnauzer's tail, and another one on each little ear*


Dojaeni

*blinks*

*tries to comrehend what on norrath is going on*

*goes to the bar and grabs a beer*

"So my girl was a llama and ardvark and ostritch" he says to himself. "really cannot leave that gorl alone for a minute"

Spots a nice looking ring on the floor that has rolled away from the pile. "hmmmm, wats this then?" *puts on the ring*


Pryce

At the wave of the spatula, the sausage elemental explodes into kittens. Not just one, but a kitten for every link of sausage the elemental was composed of. Jasyn having been under - and within eating range - of the elemental previously, Jasyn is immediately buried in slightly irritated catlets.

Splendid work, Lyrima! Now, we'd best do something about stabilizing that morphogenic field before it turns into something horrid like rhinoceri. Now be a dear and don't point it at anything else. We could have something awful like an ostrich wandering about.

Pryce produces a wand from the sash of his robe and zings the kittens, causing splashes of magic to spray in cheerful rainbows across the room.

The trouble with that spatula, you see - other than that it was originally intended to flip omelets - is that the field is totally unstable. Whatever is afflicted by it keeps changing form. Fortunately, those adorable little felines won't be changing form ever again.

Now I don't suppose anyone's seen the brooch that refracts magic...? Never could find a use for that thing. Too unpredictable.

And Katu, quite dramatically, remains a schnauser.


Anaris

Kittens!!!

*drops the schnauzer on the floor and runs over to the bundle of kittens*

Oh, I love you, and you , and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, too!

*hugs the kittens and proceeds to decorate them with pink ribbons and bows*



Rosebud

-watches with fascination as Eyeballs, now pickled to the eyeballs in rum, attempts to coordinate not one but FOUR pairs of legs to all move in the correct direction at once-


Pryce

Dojaeni, having donned a ring from the pile of rejects, doesn't seem to notice as he turns faintly green and leaves begin sprouting from his hair...


Wryn

Wryn's head tilts to one side slightly as she peers at the changes happening to Dojaeni.

"Um ...dear?" She picks at one of the leaves. "You should...perhaps...take that off."


Lyrima

*turns horrified blue eyes on the unstable spatula*

I have always distrusted magic.

*carefully hands the spatula to Sir Pryce*

Mayhap you should be in charge of this.

Now for the brooch....

*sinking to her knees, the ranger's sharp eyes seek a dissonance on the floor, indicating an invisible object*


Pryce

What are you...? Are you holding something?

Pryce waves his wand and his eyes sparkle.

Ah! The brooch is invisible. Well done, m'lady. I'll take that - thank you - and now, let's see... We'll need to dig Jasyn out of the cat pile. Anyone have a fluffy shovel? Wryn, you'll be in charge of making sure the kittens have homes. Preferably separately, as there's a very small chance they might form together to become a sort of kitten elemental.

Oh, and Dojaeni, please do listen to your intended. That ring turns the wearer into a tree. Possibly useful, if the tree had any way of taking off the ring afterward.

Well, I think that wraps things up quite nicely! Everything is back to normal, and I think we've all learned a valuable lesson today.

Pryce minces back over to the corner table and continues sorting through the magical jewelry. If he notices that Eyeballs is drunk as a skunk or that Katu is a still a schnauser, he doesn't say anything.


Dojaeni

"hmm a tree you say?"

Doja tries to remove the ring from his finger but a knot has formed at the tip...the ring is stuck.

"Oh crap!" rushing to his backpack he begins pulling out all sorts of tools. Finally setting aside a small hacksaw, some sandpaper,a chisle and a few other bits and pieces.

With some quick works he finaly removes the stubbon knot and the ring.

"wonder what type of tree i would be?"


Lyrima

*discretely peers over the Ranger's shoulder*

*thinks to herself* I wonder what will happen to that finger when it returns to normal

*glances around for her beloved*

Is there a cleric here..? *looks back at the finger* We might need one soon.


Pryce

You know, you lot really should ask me what they do before putting these things on. Or perhaps I should invest in some tags.

Now let's see... short of finger removal, how can we...? Ah!

Pryce suddenly seems to notice that he has the spatula in-hand, so he waggles it at Dojaeni, not noticing that the ranger has just managed to remove the ring. He doesn't have long to savor his triumph, however, because Doja turns into an only-slightly-leafy gorilla.

...well. That wasn't the result I had in mind. I was going for something more like a mouse or a chihuahua.

The Enchanted Lands are known for their packs of roving chihuahuas. They're a Norrathian staple. You just haven't noticed them yet.

Well. This introduces an interesting conundrum. If I wait for the next transformation, it may come too late, and Dojaeni-gorilla will be a nice redwood tree. But if I use the spatula again, I could make the situation worse. Oh, what should I do?

Pryce pauses.

Why is a little sausage dog piddling on Dojaeni?

Eyeballs walks very purposefully into a wall.


Wryn

*picks up the sausage dog and tosses it towards the pile of kittens*

Oh good grief Doja, you're going to be bleeding all over the place...And you smell like an ape!

*bites her lip to keep from laughing as she wraps a bit of cloth around Dojaeni's finger to staunch the blood*

And Pryce dear, why don't you put down the spattula...now.

*glances around at all the cats, the looks at Dojanei*

Can I keep them? Pleeeeease?

*sits down beside the kittens and lets them crawl all over her*


Katu

*snarls as he lands amid the kittens, chasing them around the room, under tables and chairs, between the legs of Rosebud, and stops before Pryce, teeth bared and lunges*


Pryce

Gah! It's a warg!

(And, below the earth, the Copyright Daemons stir restlessly.)

While the adorable little life-threatening weenie dog pounces, Pryce sparkles and vanishes, reappearing in the corner of the room. His wand at the ready, he waggles it at the schnauser. The dog stands there, mesmerized by pretty, swirling lights.

Why, that... that little... beastly... thing! It seems to - wait. It seems to hate us all...

Katu?

Pryce wiggles his wand at the dog, casting Dispel Magic. Katu returns to his normal shape, no longer mesmerized. Eyeballs, however, is wobbling and puking in the corner.


Lyrima

Unable to contain her mirth as Sir Pryce puts the final pieces of the puzzle together and returns Katu to his dwarf form, the diminutive wood elf covers her mouth with slender fingers and laughs aloud.

*gasps*

Welcome back my lord Katu.

Hilarity fills her again as she recalls the very words that allowed Pryce to solve the mystery, "...seems to hate us all..."


Anaris

*giggles as she notices there's still a pink bow on Katu's beard*


Pryce

There. Now that Katu is back to normal - and by normal, I mean "seethingly angry and preparing to kill me" - we can all rest easy, knowing we've learned a valuable lesson.

Eyeballs, in response, wanders drunkenly out the tavern's door, only to fall down a long, long series of steps. Dojaeni, for his part, fulfilling Pryce's earlier wish a bit late, turns into a mouse.

In the middle of a pile full of kittens.


Katu

OW! Me blast'd eyes.
I canno see less than I normally canno see.
Wha' by Brell have ye all done?
Wryn, Why do ye got a herd o' Kittens in 'ere?
Do I really see a whole herd?
I know Spunky be in 'ere. An' wha' ever ye is doin' it be wrong.

Ye all need me ta babysit all the time?

Who be responsible fer this mess? An' Where is me wife?


Wryn

"W...w...wife??"

Wryn nearly passes out


Pryce

Katu is... married...?

Pryce quests about for a tiny woman with a beard. Three kittens pounce on Dojaeni at once, and the mouse is only saved by their collision.

[Anaris]

Wryn

Ug...mice in the tavern...

*goes to search for a mousetrap, a kitten in each hand and one on her shoulder*

Anyone seen where Doja got off to?


Authroc

Acknaymin wanders in after a long hunt, eager for the companionship of his new Qeynos friends. But what should his eyes behold, but a gagle of kittens encircling a mouse (which smells faintly of coffee) and a rather angry dwarf complaining (he notes: as usual) about an appearently recent mess.

Uuuhhmmm...I think I'll wait outside.

However, before the Iksar can escape, Pryce spies him and calls out for him to help clean up the mess. Unfortunately, along with this call come a seemingly lazy flick of the dreaded spatula in the lizards general direction.


Pryce

Acknaymin, thus, turns into a penguin.

You know, there's a real design flaw with this wand. I mean spatula. You barely have to waggle it, and it'll... Hm. Perhaps I should put this away.

Careful not to wave it in any way, Pryce unslings his rucksack and starts to place the spatula within. At that moment, however, a kitten pounces on the hem of his robe, the spatula falls into the rucksack, face upward, while possibly, from a certain vantage point, waving. Magic leaps up, *splishes* off the Brooch of Refraction, turning the brooch visible and Roseblood into a meerkat. Pryce vanishes entirely.

Meanwhile, Dojaeni, about to be decapitated by playful, fluffy kittens, turns into a baby badger... just as Sabamier happens to walk in.


Dojaeni

Some sort of self-defence mechanism must have kicked in because doja, realised he was a badger, with piercings.

And there was Sabamier. Saba just would not understand.

A memory kicks in about the little princess and her feelings on "fish hooks" *Snort*

Eyes wide Doja heads towards Wryn as fast as his little legs can carry him, a desperate attempt for saftey.


Sabamier

Sees the most handsome badger boy ever who seems to be hurt. A wayward rangers arrow? A fisherman's miscast line? Oh dear me!

Her protective instincts, not to mention it's spring, cascade over her. She quickly chases after the badger. 

"Hello! You there. Hello! Stop!" 



Authroc

Acknaymin blinks as the world suddenly enlarges before him. He cries out in alarm but all that escapes his lips...er...beak is a shrill quack!

Now, normally the Iksar is a noble and often somber sentient. But being reduced to two and a half feet from seven and having your beautiful scales turned to feathers does something to a lizard. Flapping the large flippers that used to be his powerful arms, he waddles around the room quacking histerically!


Rosebud

The meercat, confused, panicks and runs up Katu's robe.


Elloise

Elloise remains perfectly quiet at the edge of the bar, slightly miffed that she is not at the center of attention, but knowing better than to involve herself into this train wreck of a magic show.

Her hand stands at the ready just in case...


Jasyn

While plucking cat hairs off of himself, Jasyn finds an opportune moment to "borrow" the supply of rum from which meerkat-Rosebud had just scampered away.


Katu

Bah! It's got me.
Get it off me. I aint goin' down ta no Orc.
I'll fry ye ta a crisp.

*And with that, Katu wiggles a finger and sets his robe ablaze*


Dojaeni

Seeing Sabamier rushing towards him the doja's eye widene even further  . "four legs" he thinks "are definatly not better than two. With a magnificent show of effort he finally makes it to Wryn, bulldozing kittens outta the way.

For those that understand badger speak there was a definate growl of "Mine!" there.

Unceremoniously dumping a kitten out of wryns lap the pierced boy badger curls up in her lap,feeling content and safe though one eye is kept on the Badger princess.

Mebbe not so safe.

He raises his head and gives wryn a badger kiss. just for good measure.


Anaris

*looks around and gets all confused about who turned into what*

Um.....

*scans the room to see who is still standing in their real form*

*picks up a kitten that's away from all the madness and is simply grooming itself*

....Wystro darling? Is that you in there?


Pryce

Naturally, Dojaeni turns into an elephant. At roughly the same time, Rosebud turns into an emu and Acknaymin turns into a frog. Not a froglok. Just a frog.

Hello? Has anyone seen me? Hallo? Am I here? I can't find me! Oh, bother.


Anaris

Oh no! That elephant's about to step on Sir Katu! Someone stop it!

*forgets all about the elephant and continues to speak to the kitty to see if it's really Wystro*


Rosebud

The panicked meercat, which had been doing laps of Katu's waist to avoid the fire, suddenly turns into a bird several times the mass of the meercat, and without claws. It falls to the floor with a thump, landing heavily on Katu's foot, and its tail feathers promptly catch fire. Squawking in outrage it heads straight out the window at top speed, trailing smoke and the smell of singed feathers.


Wryn

Awwwww lookie at the baby dadger! Wait...Doja?

*holds the badger up in front of her face and receives a baby badger kiss on her nose*

Ooo aren't you just the OOF!

*scrambles backwards as a very LARGE elephant appears in front of her and nearly takes off one of her legs*

Oh my...*purses lips*


Wystro

A small, resplendently immaculate kitten licks a stray bit of fur back into perfect place -- he then walks over to a snifter of brandy lying sideways on the floor of the Tavern. His head gets stuck in the snifter.


Katu

THAT BE ENOUGH!!!
And the room comes to a halt.
This is not gonna continue. Pryce, Get yer baubles an' get outta 'ere.
Katu says a quick incantation and the spatula goes up in flames and quickly turns to ash in the elf's rucksack.

Jasyn, yer in charge o' gettin' that elephant outta 'ere. I donna care how.
Lyrima, go get Rosebud. Now. B'fore she becomes Emu steaks.
Wryn, wrangle that frog. Donna let 'im get stepp'd on.
Spunky, Ye in charge o' turnin' 'em back. Figure out somethin'.

An' the rest o' ye. Clean up this mess.

Now, where is Eyeballs? I need a drink.


Pryce

Lovely, Katu, just lovely. Keep in mind that I don't even know where I OOPS!

Although nothing can be seen, there's a sound not entirely unlike a high elf falling down the long flight of stairs leading up to the Tavern. Faintly, a voice can be heard from the bottom of the stairs.

Oh. There I am.


Anaris

*chases after the immaculate kitty and tries to get its head out of the snifter*

Um.... Sir Katu? I.... I can't quite do much about turning them back to their original selves... And you've just destroyed the spatula... However.... I do have a female Ayr'dal group illusion! I can turn them all into Half Elven girls!

*grins evily*

*casts Group: Half Elf on the entire tavern*


Lyrima

Lyrima crisply salutes the guild leader before hurrying after the lovely gnome turned meercat turned flaming emu. As her sharp blue eyes follow the trail of smoking feathers, she advances on the window through which the emu, Rosebud, escaped.

Her soft voice can be heard muttering in elvish as she dives through the window in pursuit, her woodelven features shifting to resemble those of Minya, her half elven sister.


Authroc

A little while before Katu's outburst:

Acknaymin had often heard Leskin ramble on about the noble Frogloks and there galant deeds. But being turned into one of there distant cousins hardly felt either noble or galant. His imaculate scales had gone from duffy feathers to slimy skin! He never hear the end of it if any of his kin found out!

Suddenly a strange erge came over him. Just as Doja turned into a tremendous elephant in his beloved's lap and everyone turned to the comotion, the Iksar-turned-frog reached behind a barrel to produce a cane and top hat. Placing the hat on his head, he made sure no one was looking and began to sing and dance:

Hello my baby, hello my honey, Hello my ragtime gall.
Send me a kiss by wire,
Baby my hearts on fire!
If you refuse me, honey, you lose me
Then you'll be left alone, oh baby
Telephone and tell me I'm your ooooone!

Seeing some of the nearby heads turn just as he ended the tune he quickly threw the cane and hat behind the barrel and stared blankly at the puzzled onlookers.

Ribbit

Just then, the angry dwarf burst out in ager, fried the troublesome spatula, and demanded that things get back to normal.


Jasyn

Jasyn stares at Katu, dumbfounded.

"Get the elephant outta here? Who me?" He makes a wide-armed gesture as he glances once at the elephant and then back at Katu again.

"Alrighty," he relents with surprising swiftness.

He hops down from the bar stool and quickly dodges behind the bar and begins appropriating several scoops of something into a large empty sack.

Having finished up, Jasyn promptly exits the tavern with a sack of dry goods in tow, stopping briefly beside Katu along the way.

"Desperate times call f' desperate measures," Jasyn nods with conviction, flashing a knowing wink and a smirk as he departs.

Several minutes pass, and the elephant begins stirring anxiously. It seems he smells something wafting in from outside... a tempting, hearty, and full-bodied aroma. What is it he smells, you ask? He smells Jasyn brewing a large volume of dark-roasted, Antonican bean coffee... enough for the Queen's army... or a thirsty Dojaeni-pachyderm.

In the distance, from below, Jasyn calls out as something semi-musical chimes in unison, "Come-and-get-it!!"

The tavern patrons watch in horror as a very large elephant begins charging thunderously toward a comparatively narrow door...

Not that he could still be heard amidst the uproar, outside, staring up from below, Jasyn mutters worriedly, "Um. Uh oh."


Pryce

Pryce, his robes and hair a bit off, stomps back into the Tavern, distracted by trying to get his robes back into place.

Oh, well done, Katu. Destroying the Spatula of Change will only OH SWEET TUNARE!

At this point, an attentive reader will have figured out that Pryce just noticed the elepant barreling down on him.

Fortunately, Pryce's reflexes were honed saving the buttocks of his friends in tight spots(sometimes successfully), so the illusionist wastes no time whipping out his wand and waggling it at the elephant. Swirly rainbow lights revolve around the elepant's eyes, and it stops a moment before tramping Jasyn.

Suddenly, Rosebud, Dojaeni and Acknaymin don't change into anything.

Ahem. As I was saying. Destroying the Spatula appears to have frozen our friends into their current shapes. Now, he says, preparing his wand for a spell, let's see if I can break this--

...

Why is the room full of half-elven women?

Two of the countless kittens in the room start climbing Katu's robe.

[Anaris]

Pryce

Hmf. Well, then.

Pryce seems somewhat disturbed by his decreased height and increased busoms. Nevertheless, he brings his wand to the ready, and begins ZINGing at various things in the room.

Zing! And the elephant turns back into Dojaeni.

Zing! And the frog turns back into Acknaymin... who looks somewhat disappointed.

Zi--. Well, Rosebud the flaming emu isn't in the Tavern anymore.

Pryce points is wand at the kitten Anaris is fawning over, allowing the kitten's head to pop out of the snifter.

That... is not Wystro. Although I think they'd be just perfect for one another.

Although I cannot restore Rosebud's form until Lyrima retrieves her, Anaris should be able to break the spell upon their return... a simple Dispel Magic, dear, works wonders.

And now there's just one more enchantment to break.
]ZING! Sparkles splash around the room, and the patrons of the Saga tavern turn from half-elven women into their rightful forms.

There. That's just about every enchantment broken, and everything turned back to normal. Now...

Pryce takes a deep breath.

I think we've all learned a valuable lesson today.

Pryce looks around in a panic, waiting for something to explode or some mischief to happen. Nothing does, although the kittens are getting somewhat rambunctious despite Wryn's attempts to corral them.

Good. Well, then, he says, picking up his rucksack and eyeing its contents dubiously, I shall return this to my study and see if I can salvage my jewelry from the hash Katu's spell made of it.

Oh, and by the way... There was some gigantic bug-thing at the foot of the stairs. Got squashed flat breaking my fall. Someone should look to cleaning it up.

With that, Pryce casts a spell, sparkles, and vanishes.


Anaris

* looks through her spellbook* Dispell Arcane..... Hmmmm.. That would be under A, B, C, D!

*scrolls down the list of spells alphabetically*

Nope, no, I don't have it under D... I just have Dress: Stain Off, Dress: Wrinkle Off, and Daunting Gaze... No Dispell Arc....Oh! I see it here, it's not aphabetically organized, it's under my "Ignore" section... I wonder why.....

*eyes the mess at the bottom of the stairs*

Oh oh......... Eyeballs?


Rosebud

Outside the tavern in South Qeynos, Master-at-Arms Dagorel blinks in bemusement as a large, smoking emu rockets past him at top speed, then screeches to a sudden halt in the nearby fountain to cool its back side in the water.

The enormous bird makes a pleased sighing sound, as half a dozen disgruntled and displaced ducks give it dirty looks.


Lyrima

Lyrima arrives just behind the smoking, now steaming, emu. Laughing with understanding at the relieved bird expression in front of her, the half elf ranger waits only a moment before encouraging the emu to follow her back to the Tavern.

Rosie? Rosie, I know you are in there somewhere. Please follow me.

The blue eyed beauty walks officiously toward the tavern. Several strides later, she suspects, turns and confirms that the emu has no intention of following her. Rosebud has now set to discussing with increasingly louder squawks at the outraged ducks the ownership and use of the fountain.

Pausing a moment to glower in frustration at the distracted emu, she yanks open her pack. A slender hand dives into the jumble of loot, arrow parts and sundry items, casting about for something useful. Her fingers close around a sack of consecrated bread her beloved Guthric, a Templar, had conjured for her the evening before.

A sudden smile illuminates her generally serious countenance, and she hurries back to the emu.

Roooosie! Rosebud! Look. I have food....

So saying, she crumbles the bread, allowing the bits to fall to the ground as she steps backwards, again heading toward the Saga Tavern. She growls in exasperation as the ducks, rather than the emu, leap to the breadcrumb trail and promptly start pecking away.

She glances up at the watching emu.

Are you just going to stand there and eat your food?


Rosebud

The immediate crisis of burning tailfeathers resolved, the emu exits the fountain, pausing only to punt a nearby duck off into the distance.

Seeing Lyrima offering goodies, the emu moves to investigate, but turns up its beak on discovering the day-old crumbly bread.

Sniffing indignantly, it heads hopefully back to the tavern, whence the enticing smells of ale and rum appear to originate.


Lyrima

Lyrima sighs in relief, not really blaming the Emu for her discriminating tastes. The ranger trails behind, happy that Katu will finally have his wish.


Jasyn – (three months later)

In the midst of tranquility born in the wake of chaos, somewhere in a dark corner behind the tavern's bar, a playful kitten pounces on a stray sausage link.

(( I couldn't resist looking to see if this thread was safely tucked away.  ))


The end!