A host of suitors

[tanare]

Anyae fluttered aroud her office trying to organize the host of letters , gifts and whatnot that had collected in Lady Anaris' quarters. Well technically she suppsoed it wasn't HER office, but Lady Anaris' herself but that was fine by the fae. After all when her spirit bud was just srpouting Lady Anaris saved her from a hungry ogre and locked her away safely in a cage so the other predators wouldn;t get her and brought her to Qeynos to stay with her long ago.

Learning all the important things from Lady Anaris, or "Lady Ana" as Anyae liked to call her- not to be confused with her pet drakeling she had named Lady Ana when she had been separated from her mistress a loog time ago- Anyae learned the imporatance of accesorizing, which jewels suited which skin tones best, proper dress protocol and the importance of never wearing the same dress/shoe combination more than once in a year. Not to mention proper hair care the appropriate tiaras to wear to minimize hair damage.

But now she had been given an important task. One that would need all of her natural instincts and skills so that she would not let Lady Ana down. Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic (as she preferred to be called now) desired a mate. And it was up to Anyae to go through the host of letters (as Lady Ana was MUCH too busy to deal with this herself) to narrow the list down to managable numbers.

She recalled the requirements. The mate must be the same species of elf as Lady Ana to ensure a pure bloodline and of at least a Count's rank. Fortunately after Lady Ana earned her ultimate weapon, Anyae had convinced her that this proved she should not settle for anything short of an Earl. And of course no other blonds (excepting Anyae who had been given a special despensation to not change her hair coloring) among her maids of honor.

It appeared a simple enough task until the reams of letters began to arrive. Some weren;t even nobles at all but happened to see Lady Ana walk by and decided they needed to marry her. As if Lady Ana would let some commoner be her mate. Then there was this one, whom Anyae was finishing up her reply to  before she took a brief lunch break.

"Baron Eranil of House de-Zir
Lasy Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic has, out of the goodness of her heart that further shows her charitably, examined your petition for her hand in marriage. However independent sources has revealed that you have already been married three times and all your wifes have suffered mysterious deaths shortly after the cerimony which has in fact given you your current rank.

Even if Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic were to stoop to accept a suit from such a lowly ranked person, one step up from a common farmer. Why would she desire to suffer the same fate of your previous wives, not that she would not be able to kill you herself with the smallest wiggle of her little pinky if she even suspected you of such a thing. But do you honestly expect her to wed someone who enjoys onions?

It's been said your breath could peel the whitewash off a castle wall. Do you know what those fumes would do to Lady Anaris' wardrobe of the finest silks in all of Norrath? The dyes would wash out, fleeing in terror from the stench of your breath. All the perfumed hankerchiefs in the Felwithe would not be able to voercome that stench. Lady Anaris would be poisoned just being in the same castle as you, a healer would have to be in attendance night and day! Is that how your other wives ied? You kissed them goodnight and the toxic fumes of your breath killed them all?

Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic would never in ten lifetimes accept a suit to someone like you so please quit pestering her with any further correspondance. Your last message is being burned as we speak so this office doesn not reek of onions for the next three months before we can get it aired out properly. Lady Anaris spurns your smelly suit. She does like the platinum wrist chain you sent as a gift though.

Repectfully,
Anyae,
official secretary and stewardess of Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic."

Sighing softly as she sealed the letter with Lady Ana's seal, Anyae looked at the pile still remaining. This was going to take a while but then brightened up as she thouight. "Guess i'll need some more coffee then! wheeeeee!" she said happily as she got up and glided to the kitchen.

[tanare]

Continuing on her daunting task as the letters of would be suitors continued to pour in even faster than a double espresso powered fae could keep up with Anyae continued her way through the rejected ones. Not by Lady Anaris of course, no need to trouble her Ladyship on such undeserving ones like these, Anyae knew and did her duty by pruning these weeds from the garden.

"Count Farimar Daybreaker

It is with great regret that Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic must reject your suit for her hand. While your so-called lands in New Tanaria- which as everyone knows is overrun by undead and that sort, are quite large it seems you have forgotten to mention a few things.

First, you clearly forgot to mention that you are most certainly a vampire. I mean, first you announce yourself to be a count which we all know is a clear vampiric rank.  Second you hold land in New Tanaria which as stated earlier is overrun by undead so to have lan there you must clearly be a vampire yourself. Third the name 'Daybreaker' proves you have no real house of note to call your own and instead fall back to your vampiric nature for any sort of surname. Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic would not stoop to claim such a common surname as that as her own. And fourthly as a vampire no doubt you have your hordes of vampric "admirers" in attendance. Her Ladyship DOES.NOT.SHARE!

Not to mention your no doubt pale skin tone would no doubt clash with many of Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic's wardrobe is not to be lightly overlooked. Her Ladyship has spent centuries seeking out the finest quality clothing all across Norrath. Do you honest expect her to just abandon half of it because her mate looks sickly when she wears her sun themed items?

Furthermore a far more highly ranked vampie Mayong Mistmoore himself once sought her Ladyship's hand. If the immortal ruler of a mighty castle of nearly limitless power was deemed unworthy by Her Ladyship for Her Ladyship's hand why on Norrath would she accept your suit?

So again the answer is NO!

Respectfully,
Anyae
official secretary and stewardess of Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic."

with a tired sigh Anyae sealed the mesage and made her way to the mailbox to send the letter on its way. Feeling the effects of the espresso wearing off Anaye pondered the possibilities of a triple espresso and wished she was a better cook to be able to make her own brew. creamed antonican coffee doesn't have the same kick it used to anymore she thought sadly.

[tanare]

So many letters so little time Anyae thought to herself as she continued to wade through the neverending pile of letters from Lady Anaris' suitors. Maybe i should ask for a secretary...no they'd be too slow, no wings...unless i can find another fae! she thought as she regarded the current letter.

"Hmm this one has some possibilities. High rank, rich, already knows Lady Anaris from before and she him, rich." Anyae said aloud as she glided over to refresh her memory by rechecking Lady Anaris' diary for confirmation. ooh a new hiding place this time Anyae giggled as her past exploits with Lady Anaris' diary resulted in the continuing futile attempts of her Ladyship to find new "faeproof" hiding places. This one, a hidden panel in a false bottom of Anaris' "frostfell ware" dresser, would have been a good one had Anyae not seen her Ladyship put it there last week.

"Yup this is the one." she said happily as she found the entry she wanted. "hmm nope that won;t do at all." she decided firmly when she finished.


"Sir Lucan, Overlord of Freeport

Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic wishes to thank you for your continuing interest in her hand in matrimony. Your scribe might wish to be more attentive as he foolishly wrote down 'concubine' rather than matrimony in your suit. Times must be hard in freeport for such hirings to take place in the palace like that.

However, she is distressed by apparent stalker like activity on your part in recent years such as the encounter at Claymore some years back ((ooc- http://sagafamily.org/index.php?topic=4076.0 )). Then there was the kidnappers sent last year to try and force Lady Anaris to join you in your city after your written invitations were declined. She was even forced to hide in Neriak to avoid your minions, that is the term right? underlings? henchmen? But i digress.

She also continues to be disturbed by the still filthy nature of Freeport which would cause damage to her wardrobe not to mention the trolls who may think they are some form of dental floss and break into her Ladyship's things to misuse them like that. As well as your rampant unfaithfulness and fondness for pointy teethed women. Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic just will not tolerate such activities from any potential mate. Not to mention the fact that i am sure you feel your rank is above Her Ladyship's for some off reason and will not treat her in the appropriate manner.

Then  there is the whole point that as a lichy/vampiric human thing person you fail the racial purity test Her Ladyship has most clearly stated. Despite her appreciation fo the fact you found a way to extend your lifespan solely to create the possibility of being with Her Ladyship, which no doubt won her favor in her younger days, an older and more mature Lady Anaris is not so easily sway by trifles such as that and expects things to run as she wills it.

Due to your proven inability to be 1) properly faithful and 2) properly obedient to Her Ladyship's wishes were you two to mate I must reject your suit on Her behalf.

Respectfully
Anyae
official secretary and stewardess of Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic."


I hope he doesn't decide to declare war on someone when this letter arrives. Overlords always get upset when someone tells them 'no' for some reason. Anyae through as she sealed the letter and wodnered just how she was going to get it back to freeport. "Maybe ol' Shady can get it there. oh well better put Lady Anar's diary back where i found it then go see him. i like to visit the fairies over by the docks there anyway!

[tanare]

Who could that be? Anyae asked herself as she heard the knocking at the door to Lady Anaris' spring apartment. Grateful for the break in her attempts to find Her Ladyship a suitable mate the little fae fluttered over to the door and openned it.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!" Anyae screamed at the sight of a skelton standing in the doorway. "STARNOVA!" she screamed and the skeleton was obliterated in a wall of flame, the tiny ashen remains of a slip of paper was blown away in the breeze of Anaye's wings.

Oh no, one of the carpets got singed! Lady Ana's going to kill me! Anaye thought as her overly excited response to the skeleton's apparance burned a few frayed edges of the carpeting. Immediately she ran over to the broker to find a new one. Fortunately Anyae knew where Lady Anaris kept her "rainy day" funds and since the rain was falling quite briskly (which helped limit the fire damage to the apartment)  this qualified.


The next few days brought more of the same. Each day Anyae would answer the door, each day there would be a skeleton there...briefly. After several days Anyae began to notice a pattern. the second skeleton had roses in it's eye sockets, the third was bearing a small wooden box (lost in the resulting rain of fire), the fourth a rather expensive looking (now evaporated) cloak. Then on the 5th day the plate wearing skeleton with the "don't kill me" sign taped to it's chestplate surived long enough to present a note sealed in a fancily ornate scroll tube. Taking the tube Anyae saw a seal of some noble house on it.

oops i guess the skeleton was a messenger Anyae though as she let her ball lightening companion play with the metal armored skeleton while she read the letter. The clatter of armor to the floor was most distracting however as she tried to read the message. Finishing it up she began her response.

"Duke Harinor Bane of North Freeport,

My apologizes for vaporizing your messengers. Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic is most security minded and as she once had a bad dream about being kidnapped by skeletons several hundred years ago it's been a standing order among her staff to not to let any such beings into her living areas.

While your rank is most suitable for a suit to be pressed to become Her Ladyship's mate there are several issues that run against you. The first of course being your fondness for skeletal minions which are most upsetting to her household and would result in undue stress upon her entire staff. Second is in reagrd to your residence. Lady Anaris has not been wleome there since her break up with Sir Lucan long ago. Not to mention the completely dull and drab looking decor used there would clash horribly with her Ladyship's wardrobe.

And there is the issue of your last name. While being called 'Bane' may be impressive and all the rage in Freeport, her Ladyship would not even think of taking on such an uncooth surname. 'Lady Anaris Bane?' I mean really. Not to mention that you get the smell from the fisherman's district blown into North freeport by the trade winds and what sort of mate would submit one of Lady Anaris' delicate tummy to such foul odors and let's not even get back to the whole 'undead minions' stinking up the place. They're dead for a reason you know.

So with that being the case i must on Her Ladyship's behalf. reject your suit for Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic's hand and ask that you please stop sending skeletal minions to this addreess. I must clean yet another one of them off the carpeting before Her Ladyship returns again.

Respectfully,
Anyae
official secretary and stewardess of Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic."

[Anaris]

*Anaris walks in from her daily mid-morning shopping ritual, a faint smell of burned something catching her attention...*

I have arrived!  Sasha, darling, may I have my baby blue silk house slippers please?  They should've been here upon my arrival by now!  Chop chop!....and what in the name of Marr is that smell?!

*She walks over to Anyae's "office" and peers casually over the correspondences lying on the desk*

Anyae, sweetie, darling!  How is the progress going?  Have you heard anything from any of the Bayles yet?  How about the Silversprings?  Oh!  Before you begin your report, I MUST show you the cute earrings I found today! Of course, I got us matching pairs!

*She giggles like a schoolgirl and begins to take things out of her shopping bags*

[tanare]

"LADY ANA!" Anyae exclaimed with a squel of delight as her mistress arrived home. Zooming around the sloth-like Sasha attempting to fetch Her Ladyship's slippers, the fae quickly arrived at Anaris' side.

"Ooooooooh they're pretty Lady Ana. and you got me a pair too!" Anyae clapped excitedly as Anaris showed her the earrings, as Anaris said a perfect match for her own. Tyring them on Anaye looked around the room and soon enough found of of Her Ladyship's hand mirrors and immediatedly started preening to Her Ladyship's approval.

"Are we going wear these for the wedding Lady Ana? And should all the maids of honor be needing something to match- of course not as good as ours because they're you know, waiting." Anyae asked before the question reminded her of her task. "Oh but these suitors are SO annoying. THey don;t even follow your simple rules even! One person was a KNIGHT? i mean don;t they know knights are at the bottom of the noblity totem pole <pulls out a chart with the prpoer noble heirarchy> i mean they shouldn't even be wasting their ink trying to press their suit!"

Zooming back to her office, Anyae returned with an armload of letters and gifts which was plopped on the table.

"The Bayles haven't sent anything yet, rumor has it the Queen doesn;t want you outshining her if you were to mate into their family so they've kept a low profile, but they're mostly human anyway, bad for the bloodlines." Anyae nodded as she got into her report. "Evenar Silverspring sends his regards, i think he's too shy to press a suit though. Baron Elessar Goldmoon sent this pretty tiara though." Anyae said presenting Anaris with a golden tiara with a platinum rimmed diamond studded design of stars on the forefront. "He seems nice enough but he's only a Baron after all, and it's been said his great grandmother was a wood elf."

"There was an ogre too who wanted his 'Ani' but i think he had the wrong address. Then the guards killed him anyway but at least it was outside so the interior wasn;t ruined. Oh and your ex-boyfriend Lucan sent ANOTHER petition for your hand too."

Then getting to the important part of the situation Anyae continued "You know Lady Ana, i don;t think i have any shoes to go with these earrings." then the fae brightened up as she added. "BUt look at all the pretty gis i bought yesterday during my  lunchbreak!"

With that Anyae zoomed back to her room to show off her latest fashions, the letters flying off the table in the gust of wind her wings generated as she zoomed away.

[tanare]

Well that went well i guess Anyae thought after she returned from her meeting with Queen Antonia Bayle in the castle.  Changing out of her formal gi that she brought out for this special occasion Anyae thought she did her duty. The Queen was naturally most concerned about the possibilities that one of her cousins might  seek out Lady Anaris' hand as word reached all four corners of Norrath that Her Ladyship sought a mate. Naturally the Queen was concerned that were Lady Ana to enter the house of Bayle that she would be outshone by the far more fashionable Lady Anaris daily.

While Anyae agreed completely with the sentiment she decided that probably wasn't a good thing to tell the Queen with her vah-shir furry friend was looking her over with what Anyae though might be hunger pangs, since after all an ogre tried to eat her once and cats liked chasing birds. Instead Anyae told the Queen that there was no danger of such a union given Lady Ana's requirement that only a full high elf be fit for her hand. On the other hand, Anyae had realized quickly that turning down such an offer might cause trouble as well.

So she and the Queen made a deal that if Anyae went to help find some missing gnomish airship as part of some big conspiaracy the Queen was worried about  in the Sinking Sands, then the Queen would ensure that no reprecussions from the throne be levied against her Ladyship when the inevitable rejections came.

Changing into something less fancy, Anyae sighed as she saw the stack of letters from suitors she still had to go through and fluttered over to the never ending pile I need more coffee she thought as she continued her task at hand.

[tanare]

Zooming back to her office space in a caffiened inspired burst of speed, Anyae ignored the pile of messages from the latest batch of suitors to mark down her newest possibility. Tossing aside the "Janthos- too shy or too scared" volume she had been working on to determeine what possible reason he had for hesitating in pressing his suit for Lady Anaris the Distinguishly Charitable and Majestic's hand, the fae took out another notepad.

Nailock she wrote in her small neat handwriting, in fae of coruse- the only proper language to write in. More importantly none of the servants could read it so no chance of word leaking out. Lady Ana was also most concerned with appearances after all and having word leak out before she deemed it proper would be most upsetting to her. Why she might not even go shopping!

But turning back to the task at hand, Anyae took out her wrinkled notepad she always carried with her because who knows when a possible suitor might be encountered. And smiling wisely to herself she nodded as this time it proved a great idea.

son of a Queen- so he's a prince- family not getting along so certain deaths may move up to actual kingship! Anyae wrote being pleased she could present Lady Ana with the royalest of royalty as a suitor.

can be easily talked into upgrading his wardrobe to proper shinyness- <note to self>Lady Ana will like the extra shopping. point- Is brought up in a place where the women are usually in charge- so he'll properly obey Lady Ana like a good mate should.- hmm relocation problems maybe <note to self> find out where he lives and where the throne is. Anyae looked at this and then frowned because there was one major issue that could be a deal breaker. But she wouldn;t be doing her job properly if she left the bad stuff out.

wrong flavor of elf- Dark elf- may clash with 22.3% of Lady Ana's outfit- counterarguement- more shopping trips to fix that. Also has other women falling for him and trying to kill him- or the husband is trying to kill him-<notes to self> may result in ruined outfits during these attacks- secret marriages we don't know about? would Lady Ana's charity stretch that far for a potentially faithless mate who wouldn;t realize he's marrying above himself.

Taking time to make another copy of her notes without her own musings and concerns. Anyae held the new copy in the air hesitantly as she pondered the three  baskets on her desk. The "no way" one as usual was full to overflowing. The "Maybe" and "mate" ones were covered with a thick layer of dust- Anyae would have to talk to the other servants about that- from lack of use. Finally using her best judgement she placed the file in the "maybe" basket. Lady Ana would get to it when she felt like it as her instructions were quite clear to only bother her with a definitie yes.

hugging herself happily that she finally found one that might be good enough she decided to celebrate with a hextuple espresso and some strawberry cobbler before getting back to the rest of the possibly unneeded suitors. later. the battle cry of "COFFFFEEEEEEEE!" echoed through the house once again as Anyae zoomed to the kitchens.