Online friends and their depth

[Rumze]

http://www.raphkoster.com/gaming/essay1.shtml

Somebody posted this on a thread in a forum I visit now and then to keep in touch with friends. ( the thread was concerning the health of a member of the community ) It was something that rang true and I agreed with.

It was concerning the friendships we make online and their depth and how folks who haven't played an online setting like an mmo don't realise what they can mean to us.

The article was something that resonated and wanted to share.

[Gith]

Thanks Rumze.

Most people do not understand what that article was talking about. Most people do not know that I occasionally tell real life friends that a wonderful woman named Mixxi once bought a replica model of a Portal Gun and then had to redesign her living room around it. That she plays games with her son Temus in the same guild. That a guy named Raven works hard all day and was one of the few to survive the shift in management at his job. That a guy named Tys works hard for himself to build up his own business. That a guy named Oakmist once came to Toronto and had a beer with Vilidius and myself. That a guy named Cyrian once enjoyed many a brew and fell asleep at his computer while playing with us and we moved him around in the chat channels to see how long it would be until he noticed. That a woman named Catri somehow finds time between school and working at the library to spend some time in Mumble chatting. That a guy named Askari makes helpful and nostalgic videos he puts on YouTube for all of us to enjoy.

Most people do not understand that I have many fond memories of all of the people that I spent many a night PvPing with in SWTOR. Sometimes we would not even play the game, just chat. Sometimes we would just talk about our day and random stuff that was happening in "real life".

A big thing about Saga is that it is like one of my best friends. We may not see each other much for a long time, but when we do, it is like we just saw each other.

So yea, I think I would notice if someone went out of communication completely for a couple of months. I have found myself checking the members list to see when the last time someone logged on was.


I look forward to Wildstar or EQNext, whichever comes first, to get people back onto Mumble and talking again. But until that happens I will just stalk the boards and try to keep up to date with people. Although I will admit, I have been very bad about reading the shout box lately. Been busy with work.

[PinkRose]

I've met 43 people Saga members in Real Life.
They are as real to me as any of my other friends.
They are definitely not virtual friends, I just connect with them via the PC instead of a phone or skype.

[Mixxi]

My husband has friends he has talked to for years but never met. They live all over the world. Occasionally, they will collide in the same place, and they will meet for the first time and it feels like a family reunion. Some of them have watched him grow from a gangly teenager to a middle-aged man. Some of them have died, and he's grieved over them. Some of them even get married and have kids.   He gets it. He also knows them all through ham radio.

I'm lucky that I have a non-gaming spouse with this kind of understanding. Because he knows the depth of my affection for people I know from the various worlds I've inhabited.

And my sons have this experience now, too. Our family goes out to dinner at a restaurant. We talk about a couple of people from work. But then Temus tells us something about Tys. And I share news from Tuppen or Talon. And Scaz talks about someone else that none of us have ever met but we all know. Saga is dinnertime conversation for our family.

Most friends are friends because they share the same space with you and you can tolerate them.

You guys are friends I choose to be with. I consider you to be a luxury and a blessing, and damn near impossible to live without.

[Jasyn]

At my last job, I worked in a department of 6-11 people.  I was only co-located with 3 of those.  Half of the department was staffed with people I'd never even met although I would have recognized them from photos were the outcome different.  There were routinely emails, IMs, the occasional phone or conference call.

Are these relationships somehow more legitimate than the bonds I form recreationally just because I'm getting paid to spend time pursuing a common goal with them as we professionally yearn for the weekend to arrive sooner?

Hardly.  In some cases, I've "known" fellow members of Saga years longer than many co-workers I've befriended and worked with face-to-face for years, hours a day and weeks at a time--people whom I've never met in person.  And yet we've played together, laughed together, cried together, held each other up when others were feeling down.

These friendships are not fiction.  They are not any less real or any less legitimate.  It's a pretty impressive thing to think about when you step back and realize that something like this is possible because of today's technologies.  Think of turbo powered, real-time, international pen pals.

[Namae Nai]

I think I'm channeling Kuladen here....

[Catri]

I can actually talk about this from experience on both sides of the matter. My brother and sister started playing MMOs years before I did and they did IRC roleplay for years before that. When they talked about the friendships, rivalries, and even romances that formed, I just didn't get it. I didn't understand how an "online friendship" could even come close to a "real life" friendship. When I started playing WOW I didn't RP, and I mostly conversed with friends I already knew offline. When I met others it was usually in an instance PUG, and I never saw them again.

All of that changed the first time I logged onto Mumble for Saga's pre-SWTOR Friday night chat nights. Through those conversations and through interactions in games and on the forums all of you showed me that online friendship can be nearly indistinguishable from offline friendship. Some of my closest friends now are people I 've never been in a room with.

[Sroth]

Speaking as some one who doesn't really have "RL" friends, my online friends are of great importance. The internet has the amazing ability to shrink distance to nothing, but sometimes... things happen... and that distance grows again. Needless to say, it's hard losing contact with friends you can't simply visit. It can be a lonely world sometimes.

[Jezerai]

*sniffle*  Harumph!  *sniffle sniffle*

[Lyrima]

There are several of us from Saga who ended up marrying the folks we met online.  I can think of 3 such pairings off hand; each marriage is still going strong.

It's a difficult relationship to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced it, as Catri described above.

To this day most of my friends on this side of the screen have no idea I game and have friends online.  It's like I have two different lives.

[PinkRose]

And I'm just the opposite, Lyrima.
All of my friends know about Saga people and know they are just as real if not realer than them.

[Corsair]

3 marriages?

I know of two here....but not sure i am plugged in on #3! (Do Elsie and Duplicitas count here? I never knew if they met through EQ or maybe had met outside the game.)

The value of the friendships is true enough though. I cannot boast the amazing numbers Pinkie can, but considering I never went to the SOE convention events, I have done alright at getting together with players on the RL side. North of two dozen I'd say.

[PinkRose]

They definitely met here.
Duplicitas, Elsbet and Nina grouped many late nights together.
Well, not technically because Elsbet and Nina would never group with Duplicitas but it was Talethia which was also Duplicitas.
Then eventually, Elsbet went to visit Duplicitas in England.
Then Duplicitas visited Elsbet here in Portland, Oregon and chose to stay.
Except now, I've lost touch and they might both be in England now.
But yes, they met in Saga.

[Corsair]

Okay cool, I did have #3 in my mind right then...just was not certain they in fact first met in pixel land. Those two cracked me up no end back in the day.

I'll just think, "talking straw", and immediately laugh.

Bummer to have lost touch...I'd love to catch up with several folks I've lost touch with as well. Reminds me how excellent it is to have so many still here.

[PinkRose]

The Talking Straw!!
Yes.
Ah, for another Saga Meet-up.

[Gith]

If one happens try to make the location Canadian friendly (somewhere near the border to Ontario please