Break-down 8/15/02

[Saga Librarian]

Kuladen
Greatest. Sexiest. Bard. Ever.

Kuladen stepped onto the stage of the tavern, nodding his thanks as the crowd gathered started clapping in appreciation. He opened his sewing kit which held his instruments and weapons, for ease of twisting. Waiting for the applause to die down, he removed his helmet and ran a hand nervously through his hair.

A silence fell over the tavern as he smiled, pondering what to play. He picked up his drum and shook his head, putting it back down. 'This is a song I wrote myself'

A groan could be heard from the back, but Kuladen could not make out just who had done it. Shrugging, he put his hands behind his back and cleared his throat. He opened his mouth to start then stopped suddenly, snapping. 'I'll be right back' he said, grabbing up his horn and drum and exploding out of the bar in a burst of speed.

Heads turned to look at other heads as the crowd erupted into simultanious small talk and murmurs, wondering where the entertainment had gone.

Moments later, the door exploded inwards and flew off its hinges as Kuladen ran back into the room, lights playing about him and bathing the room in a harsh white glow. Arriving on stage before the door hit the wall, Kuladen helped a dwarf up onto the stage. Its white beard and blue eyes marked it a coldain dwarf, one that Kuladen must have recently befriended. The bard chuckled nervously 'I forgot my accompanyment'. The dwarf scowled and started off stage. Kuladen tossed aside his drum and grabbed his minotaur horn and blew into it, and the dwarf's eyes glassed over and he returned to his spot next to the elf. 'Ok.. ready'.

The dwarf and elf lowered their heads as Kuladen tapped out a beat with his foot, then nodded. The dwarf began:

'Yo Kuladen.. kick it one time boyeeee'

The dwarf silenced as Kuladen's head popped up and he started to dance, his foot stomps keeping time

Alright STOP! Meditate and listen
The bard is back with a brand new mission
SONGS, start to healing me rightly
Flowing like a heartbeat daily and nightly

Dwarf: Will it ever stop?

Kuladen: Yo, I don't know.. turn on the selo's and I go
to the extreme I rock the mob like a vandal
light up the room and wax the chump like a candle
DANCE.. caress the enchanter that boons..
I'm killin' your friend like a sensate mushroom
DEADLY when I play a dope melody
anything less than the best would make me a wannabee
Love it? Invite me, you can bet I can't wait
I'm gonna hit the monster this kid don't play
If there is a problem Yo I'll charm it
Check out the lute while my bellows dissolves it

The dward and Elf, in harmony, start head swishing and doing the 'running man', as the dwarf sings
Nice Nice Bardy... Kuladen's nice nice bardy

Kuladen turns back around suddenly to resume the second verse:

NOW that the party is huntin'
with the haste kicked in and the fingers are pumpin'
Quick to the port to the port no fakin'
Cookin' Flippys like a pound of bacon
Burnin' them.. being quick and nimble
I go crazy when I get a symbol and in High Pass
with a sped up tempo.. I'm on a roll.. time to hunt solo

ROLLIN' with my Selo's go
with my helmet off so my hair can blow
Giants on the standby waiting just to say 'hi'
[Did you stop?]
No! I just run by
I just kept on.. pursuing to the zone stop
I bust a griffin and I'm heading to the spire top
I took a leap yo.. then I continued on to Ak'anon's range..
STEAMFONT Avenue!

Gnomes were shocked citing rules so I was leavin'
through lesser faydark you better be believen'
JEALOUS at the armor of mine
Sash on my waist and Kuladen's lookin' fine
READY for the orcs on the wall
I didn't mind my speed because of SAFE FALL

Shouts.. rang out like a bell
I grabbed my sword and all I heard was hell
UNLEASHED.. on crushbone real fast
Pumped up my selo's.. off like a flash
BB to Freeport the boat was real packed
tryin' to catch a buzz but the bar was slack

Orcs were out in bands.. out on the sands
They passed me up, for ruining all my own lands
If there is a problem, YO I caused it
check out my moves while my slashing resolves it

[NICE NICE BARDY... KULADEN'S NICE NICE BARDY]

Kuladen looked down at the dwarf, still tapping his boot into the stage..

Yo man let's get out of here... word to your mother

As the two strutted off stage, the dwarf continued

Nice Nice Bardy..to go.. to go... nice nice bardy to go.. to go..

With that the coldain dwarf and the elf strutted off stage. Silence reigned for a minute before the bard jumped back on stage and raised his arms before bowing low, then sweeping his arm out to the dwarf stomping back on stage.


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Bindi the Hobbit
Creeping Crook

Bindi stares slack-jawed at the bard and dwarf for a moment, then jumps up onto a table and begins applauding like mad.

"WOO!!! You go Kuladen!! Sing it!"


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Caillou   
Pebble with a bow

Caillou stands gobsmacked, her drink in hand, a look on her face like a doe staring at an archer with lightstone pointing a bow directly at her, her mouth slightly agap. As Kuladen's song comes to a close, Caillou starts giggling and can't seem to stop. Giggles begin to shake her whole body, 'til it looks like she can't stand any more. She sits with a "Plop!" in a chair conveniently behind her, still shaking from giggles, still holding her drink rigidly in her hand, the liquid beginning to slosh about and threaten to spill.


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Siffo
Silly Old Rogue

/STAND

/CLAP

I just wish I knew what the hell half this stuff meant.


And I get tired of standing up and applauding people more talented than me.

How come no one applauds when I hit some thing really good?


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Jebbar Godsbane
Human Cuisinart of Death

*Jebbar's jaw hits the floor*

.
.
.


*Jebbar picks his jaw up off the floor*

"WENCH! Bring me a watered... oh hell, bring me a shot of whiskey with a Tuppen's Brew chaser!"

Jebbar starts to laugh, a chuckle coming from deep within him and building to a rumble, then a roar, until he is laughing uncontrollably, tears rolling down his cheeks. He doesn't even notice the serving wench bring the booze...


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Quea FV
Port a Party

Quea stares at the stage dumbfounded. She applauds slowly at first then drops her regal bearing completely, and begins to applaud vigorously.

She thinks well it was good although not quite my style of music. She realizes she is still tapping her toe to the strange beat and stops herself somewhat embarassed.


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Katryna Sowdier   
Shamaness of Saga

A smile appeared on Katryna's lips from listening to the talented Kuladen, Katryna whispered to the barmaid to take Kuladen and his company a round of drinks.


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Mixxi Bixiebane
Diva of Destruction

Mixxi pounds the table in appreciation and whistles at Kuladen's performance. She grins hugely and joins the calls for an encore.

As the bard turns from side to side, taking his bows, she ponders the only thing missing from the perfomance and thinks wistfully of plaid shorts.