Jez and Sam

[Jezerai]

   Jezerai found that the long hot days sailing on the Skalliwag among the Islands of Madness were a balm for her troubled thoughts.  She lazed about on the deck, soaking up the sun's rays and even managing to acquire a slight tan.  The gentle rocking motion of the ship was soothing and she strung a hammock up to sleep in to take advantage of this.  It was pleasant too, to put her leathers away for a bit.  She enjoyed her hunts with her friends and looked forward to seeing them again, but she found she enjoyed even more relaxing on the ocean waves and wearing nothing but light silk robes, if she bothered to wear clothes at all.  There was no one about to see her, after all.

   For the first time in her life, Jezerai had enough money set aside that she could relax.  If she was careful, she could avoid ever having to work again.  Jezerai chuckled.  She didn't think that this idyllic lazy life would suit her forever, but it was an interlude at a time when she desperately needed one.  As she sailed on the azure blue sea, breathing in the smell of salt water and listening to the cries of sea birds overhead, she finally found the inner peace that had always eluded her.  Muscles tense with anxiety relaxed and grew supple once more, while her light blonde hair whitened to almost white in the sun.

   One evening, as Jezerai swam back to the boat, enjoying the feel of the cool ocean water on her naked skin, she was disconcerted to find another ship pulled up alongside it.  A single figure stood on deck and, when she got near enough to see, she was even more disconcerted to discover that the sailor was a young Varanthari man.  The young man stood grinning down at her as Jezerai treaded water, avoiding climbing up her ship's rope ladder and thereby exposing herself to the fellow's gaze.  Jezerai was more than a little perturbed and addressed the stranger with a bit more heat than she would ordinarily do.  "Is there something you are looking for, or do you always stare so?"

   The young man, far from being disconcerted by her directness, chuckled and Jezerai was uncomfortably reminded of Tsol.  "Do you mind?"  She snapped at the stranger.  "I am getting a bit wrinkled and would like to get out of the water!"  The young man chuckled again.  "By all means!  Don't let me stop you!"  And continued to gaze at her with ill-disguised amusement.  "Unobserved, if you please sir!"  The young man bowed, the smile never slipping, "If you insist."

   After staring at the stranger's back for another suspicious moment, Jezerai cautiously climbed back on board her ship and grabbed her silk robe, donning it hurriedly.  "Is it safe?"  The stranger's voice held a bit of a laugh and Jezerai, seeing the humor in the situation now that she was safely clothed, chuckled.  Taking that for assent, the young man turned around and bowed.  "Samaal Borichan, a wandering student, at your service.  Could I invite you to dinner, to make up for my ill manners earlier?  I am an excellent cook!"  Jezerai found herself smiling back and decided that she really did like this young man.  The promise of food cooked by someone other than herself, someone who could actually cook food and make it edible, sealed the deal. 

[Jezerai]

Jezerai sailed on the blue ocean in a sloop all her own, the Desert Jewel, enjoying the feel of the salt spray on her lips and the wind in her hair. As she neared her own special cove, her heart lifted to see a familiar sail silhouetted against the green trees. A surge of adrenaline made her stomach hurt and she had to chuckle at her reaction. Days that she sailed into an empty cove were just not the same and she wondered if this time she would let the young ranger seduce her.

She toyed with the idea as she neared the other boat and wondered that she did not experience the jab of panic that normally accompanied these thoughts. It was not the act itself that terrified her so much as the feeling of vulnerability that accompanied such intimacy. She was no celibate, but her entanglements since leaving the Imperial Army were few and far between. Most of the time her unease dissuaded her from accepting any of the many offers that men had made to her. Only when she had drunk enough boza to silence her inner demons had she been able to succumb. There was one ... but Jezerai firmly turned her thoughts away from that direction.

Samaal was different she thought, as she pulled her boat alongside his, enjoying watching him work. A large man, she thought, for a ranger. But the Varanthari were built thick in the chest and of burly stature. Watching his muscles roll under sun-darkened skin as he pulled her boat near his, Jezerai smiled a broad welcoming smile to answer his.

"Greetings, lady!" The young man's answering smile made Jezerai's head swim and she had to catch her breath before responding. "Greetings to you, sir!" she teased. Jezerai leapt from her boat to his when the boats neared each other, careless of the effect of salt spray on the blue silk robe she wore. Samaal caught her to him in a brief embrace to prevent her falling and she lingered a moment before letting him go. Yes, perhaps this evening she would let the young ranger seduce her. Jezerai bit her lip and chuckled, thinking that first he'd have to feed her.

As Samaal prepared dinner, Jezerai sat and talked to him of the tasks she had fulfilled while on the mainland. Samaal had not had nearly as much experience as she had in the field, but his questions revealed a quick mind and his humor was infectious. Jezerai found herself relaxing as they laughed and talked. The bits of food he fed her by hand, for her input he said, in the cooking process, were delicious, but the warm glow in her stomach had little to do with eating. The feel of his fingers on her lips made her think of kissing, and a blush darkened her cheeks. Samaal smiled, but went about the business of cooking.

Samaal poured two glasses of wine and gently guided Jezerai out of the galley, his hand on the small of her back. Jezerai glanced up at him from under lowered lashes, embarrassed and thrilled by the feelings coursing through her at his nearness. Standing there on the deck, under the dark carpet of stars overhead, Jezerai did not resist when Samaal gently tipped her head back, his fingers resting lightly on her chin. She firmly pushed aside doubts and fears that sprang up when he lowered his lips towards her. And when his lips touched hers, she kissed him back with an abandon that lit her spirit with an unknown joy.

[Jezerai]

   The large ranger stood on the rocking boat, shading his eyes against the glare of the morning sun reflected off of the water and staring at the horizon with keen eyes.  The appointed time came and went, and, apparently disappointed in what he sought, he dropped his arm with a sigh of resignation and turned back to his preparation of the morning meal.  He was ready for this job to be done.  Still, it had its benefits.

   He thought back over the evening and smiled at the surprise she had presented.  "Who would of imagined such sweetness in the arms of a killer" he thought.  He rubbed his chin with one hand torn between conflicting emotions where no emotions should be at all.  The ranger shook his head and steeled his will.  It was a job, nothing more, he told himself.  Good money had been paid for the task, money that he had no compunction about accepting, given his target's murderous past.  Personal justice was the seasoning that made the job all the more lucrative.

   In planning this job, he had realized he faced a formidable opponent, an assassin of no small skill, a tough fighter, and a wielder of jin.  He had decided that he must lull his target and set out to seduce her to accomplish that.  The seduction was no easy job, requiring weeks of careful effort.  The killer had been surprisingly skittish, and he had been grimly satisfied when his efforts bore fruit.  And in turn he had been seduced by the beauty of the woman.  Her shyness was unexpected, though he cynically thought that to one as practiced as she, the role of innocent was not too much to play.  Still, with the moonlight shining on soft curves, lighting her form with a silvery light and throwing soft blue shadows to conceal feminine mysteries, she was beautiful.  It might not be so bad, he thought, if his contact held off a short time longer before sending the signal that would spell the end of this particular job.

   A soft sound behind him broke into his thoughts and he carefully composed his features into the welcoming smile he knew she expected.  "Good morning gorgeous!"  He said with a disarming smile, and even meant it.

[Jezerai]

The days spent lazing with Samaal seemed to pass quickly.  Samaal was a happy go lucky sort of man, and he kept Jezerai laughing with his playful humor.  Their nights were spent under the stars exploring each other and learning the delight the other could bestow, only to curl up together for languid sleep at its end.  Their days were spent fishing in the cool rivers on the nearby island or lazing under the hot desert sun overhead.  Already though, Jezerai could feel the pull of the mainland and the wish to be once again among her friends tugging her away from this place.  She tried to convince Samaal to return with her, but he refused saying he did not think her friends would understand.

Jezerai thought back to the marriage of two of her dear friends, Tsol and Qlaria.  She hoped that Tsol intended to remain true to his vow of fidelity.  She had been surprised that Shyne included such a vow, knowing Tsol.  But having promised it so faithfully, she feared it would crush Qlaria if he should break his word.  A fragile love, her friends had, Jezerai thought.  But a handsome couple nevertheless.  And two lovely babies.  Jezerai sighed, watching Samaal and wondered what it would be like to have children.  But that was a future denied her, her womb as scarred and unproductive as her soul.  Jezerai paused in her musing, a small tickle of warning at the back of her mind.  But no one was there except Samaal.  Jezerai wondered at his expression, which appeared assessing, almost calculating in nature, before reverting to the lopsided grin she loved so well.  Jezerai told herself that she misinterpreted Samaal's expression and shook off the niggle of doubt that would not quite go away.  Laughing, she cupped seawater in her hand, splashing her lover.  Growling in mock anger he tackled her, an embrace that ended in a lingering kiss.

Later, Jezerai prepared for her return to the mainland and her life there.  Although she extended the offer once again to Samaal to join her, once again he refused.  Jezerai shook her head wondering why he was so intent on avoiding meeting her friends, but decided that perhaps he, like she, wanted to preserve the delicious secrecy of their little cove and the meetings there.  Almost Jezerai could regret telling Tsol, but smiled.  It was hard not to tell anyone and she didn't Samaal would mind, not really.  After all, if they were to spend any part of their lives together, he was bound to meet them all soon.  With that thought, Jezerai waved goodbye to her lover and set sail for the east, and home, and all that awaited her there.

[Jezerai]

Jezerai boarded the Desert Jewel, her head a bit woozy from the boza she'd drunk and headed out towards the cove where Samaal had said he'd meet her.  She had enjoyed her time visiting friends at the tavern run by Strength and Honor.  She could still hardly believe her surprise at seeing Samaal walk into the tavern, his large frame seeming to fill the place.  He had sat next to her, openly demonstrating his regard for her to everyone there.  He had always been so reluctant to do so in the past, and Jezerai wondered what may have happened to change his mind.  Jezerai could not remember feeling such happiness before with a man, and yet she was afraid as well.  They had never discussed their past lives, it had just never come up.  Their meetings had been like a dream, a time separate from the rest of the world.  A time that Jez could forget about who she had been and what she had done.  But before he became a real part of her life, he deserved to know what he was associating with.  Jezerai looked down at her hands, imagining them to be red and dripping with the blood of innocents and shuddered with revulsion.  She decided that she had been very selfish, allowing him to believe that she was deserving of love.  She vowed to herself that no matter how painful it might be, she would tell him of her hideous past.  She acknowledged that doing so would likely drive him away from her in horror and disgust, but he deserved honesty from her. 

For the first time since she had started sailing, the bounce of the boat as it sliced through the waves, the reflected glow of moonlight on the water, and the gentle lift of the breeze in her hair failed to lift Jezerai's spirits.  Her face was set with determination, and her heart was as heavy as that of any condemned man marching to the gallows.

[Jezerai]

Samaal rubbed the day old growth of beard with one hand, pondering his next move.  He was feeling more and more uneasy about this job.  Far from the hardened killer he'd expected to find, Jezerai was charming and he suspected that, given different circumstances, he might have even come to love her.  But he had an obligation to fulfill.  An obligation to all of the people she had harmed to see her brought to justice.  If only it didn't hurt so damned much.

The previous evening, a few hours after Jezerai sailed away, the signal had come from the far distant mountains.  The place for Jezerai's trial had been prepared.  They were ready for him to bring her in.  He had immediately set sail to find her, recalling that she had mentioned having friends living in Venik Ragnew.  Sure enough, he had found the Desert Jewel tied up at the dock.  Several dock workers remembered seeing the pretty blonde half-elf and he had no trouble tracking her down to a small tavern run by a group calling themselves Strength and Honour.  He wondered how they could justify that title when they harbored a killer in their midst.  He had entered the tavern and was most surprised to find Jezerai comfortably settled amid friends in a neat and cozy interior.  Jezerai was, of course, quite surprised to see him there, and he whispered his explanation to her in her ear, chuckling to see her shiver at the warmth of his breath on her skin.  She drank boza and laughed and chatted with her friends easily and he found her utterly captivating.  When the conversation turned to the topic of slavery, he was surprised to find in this killer an advocate for the rights of people to live free of servitude.  Her friends appeared to be honorable people and he had to admit that, had he not known of her past, he would think she fit in with them well.  The whole evening was most uncomfortable, knowing as he did what was to happen.  He had extracted a promise from Jezerai to meet him here, at their cove, and had tried his best to ignore the soft, loving look she had given him when she agreed to come.

Now Samaal waited, with his keen ranger's eyesight he could just make out a sail on the horizon.  It could be no other than his lover, his enemy.  Samaal idly swirled the contents of the Starspark Red he had purchased in Tar Janashir, just for this purpose.  It was a potent drug and would keep Jezerai pliant and malleable during the trip to Kojan.  When he had formed his plan, he had not troubled overmuch about the long-term effects of such a drug on a person but now he fretted at the possible harm it could cause the disciple.  But he had no other options and he could afford to take no chances with a woman of her resources.  Watching the sail grow larger on the horizon, he calculated that he had an hour until Jezerai arrived.  Samaal sighed as he poured two glasses of boza, slipping a small amount of the Starspark Red into one, and found himself regretting already the steps he must take.

[Jezerai]

Jezerai pulled up the Desert Jewel next to Samaal's sloop, rehearsing in her mind what she would say of her past to Samaal.  She chewed her lip nervously at what she anticipated his response would be and braced herself to get this over with as quickly as possible.  When she boarded Samaal's boat, she could hear him down below bustling about.  Grateful for the reprieve, she sat at the small table on deck, idly nibbling a muffin from the basket sitting there.  In her distress, she forgot Quea's warning and did not notice that the muffins were dotted with fresh blueberries.  Samaal came up the stairs holding two mugs of boza, handing her one.  Jezerai thanked him absent-mindedly for the mug and set it on the table, not noticing his unease so wrapped up in her own disquiet. 

"Samaal," she said, "there is something we must discuss.  Something I should have told you before, only I haven't."

"It will wait, love," Samaal said with a smile that did not quite reach his eyes.  "Join me in a boza and we can talk later."

Jezerai sighed miserably, picking up the mug and lifting it to her lips, only to set it down without drinking.  "I'm afraid it won't wait.  You see, I am not the person you think I am.  I was once an assassin with the Imperial Army, many years ago, until I was taken from that life by the Jin monks.  I killed many innocent people ... did many evil deeds ..."  Her voice trailed off, as she forgot what she had so carefully prepared to say.  She glanced up at Samaal and winced.  His face looked hard and unforgiving for a moment, and then he gave her a strained smile.

"I see," he said.  "You killed many, you say?"

Jezerai nodded miserably.  "I was selected for my skills and sent on many such missions, yes.  I am sorry I did not tell you sooner.  I should have."

Samaal picked Jezerai's mug up, pressing it into her hands.  "Drink Jez."  He said, using her nickname for the first time.  "I will need to sleep on this one and we can decide what should be done tomorrow."

"Should I go back to my boat?"  Jezerai set the mug down and started to rise from her seat.

"Later, perhaps" Samaal gently pressed her back down, again handing her the mug.  "Perhaps we can talk of other things for a bit, while this news settles." 

Obediently, Jezerai sat and lifted the mug to her lips, inhaling the crisp cinnamon scent of the drink, and drinking deeply, relieved to have gotten this off of her chest.  Whatever came of it, she thought, at least she had been honest with Samaal.  She smiled at her lover hesitantly and drank again as they talked of the days events like so many other days.  She even dared to hope that he would forgive her. 

[Jezerai]

Samaal sat by Jezerai's bedside, a worried frown marring his face.  The disciple was fighting off the effects of the drug and he was having to give her more than he had anticipated.  Starspark Red was known to be very addictive.  He had never intended to give her so much and he hoped that there would be no long-term complications.  He told himself that his concern was caused only by a desire not to create a drug dependence in any person, rather than any personal feelings for the disciple.  Still, as he watched her small, pale form on the bed he wondered if he was doing the right thing.

He had expected the Starspark Red to keep Jezerai quiet and easy to control, but the drug had had a very different reaction from what he anticipated.  Rather than becoming compliant, the drug was causing Jezerai to have terrible dreams.  She tossed and moaned in the bed, talking to people whose names he didn't recognize in words that he could only infrequently make out.  Often her voice took a pleading tone and he wondered what personal hell she was inhabiting.  He told himself that it was her own doing and that she deserved to suffer.  He told himself this, but at the same time he pitied her and wished that he could comfort her.  At times that he felt he could not go forward, he brought up memories of his long-dead wife and the future they had planned but never enjoyed and his heart hardened.

Samaal brushed a pale golden strand of hair off of Jezerai's sweaty forehead and placed a gentle kiss on her brow, even as he added Starspark Red to water and lifted her to feed her more of the drug.  For a moment, Jezerai's eyes flickered open and she regarded him with an unfocused gaze.  "Hello, my love," she murmured and smiled, her eyes slipping closed again.  Samaal's heart wrenched and for some unaccountable reason he felt tears well, even as he fed her the dose and laid her back down on the bed.  He doubted that he would ever hear those words from her again, and somehow the thought made him feel lost and alone.

[Jezerai]

Jezerai woke, her head pounding so hard that she could not open her eyes and her body feeling as though she had been beaten with a truncheon.  Her immediate thought was that she must have drunk way more than her usual amount of boza.  She tried to send a thin waft of jin to cure the hangover and was surprised to discover that she was unable to do so.  With a groan she opened her eyes, and gasped in alarm.  She found herself in a small round cell, laying on a hard bunk.  The room was lit by a small window set high above and the grey stones were damp to the touch.  Jezerai had no idea how she had come to be here.  Most frightening of all, the room was filled with the thin vaporous forms of the undead, pressing against her.  They opened their mouths in a wail she could hear only in her mind and the dry rustle of dead stalks of grass in a winter field accompanied their movements.  All tried to talk to her in a ceaseless babble that she was unable to shut out.  Jezerai tried to rise, to escape, but as she stood she only had a moment to realize how weak she was before falling, mercifully, into unconsciousness again.

[Jezerai]

Some time later, Jezerai woke again.  Her head continued to throb, but a new pain wracked her body as clawed demons shredded her psyche.  She twisted and moaned on her bunk, craving ... she knew not what.  So wrapped up in her own torment, she paid little attention to the wailing from her cellmates, those ghostly beings that she understood to be haunts from her past, though she gave the matter no rational thought.  She did not know how they would have escaped from her dreams and had no energy to try to puzzle it all out. 

Rough hands grabbed her as Kojani jailers came in response to her cries.  Jezerai stared at them with sightless eyes, clawing at their arms and shoulders as they lifted her roughly to a sitting position, forcing a liquid to her lips and down her throat.  A few seconds later, the inner demon soothed and fed, Jezerai's wracked body relaxed and she drifted off to a stuporous sleep again.

[Jezerai]

Samaal paced back and forth in the antechamber, waiting for the leader of the town council to speak with him.  It had been five days since he had turned Jezerai into the authorities.  He had expected it would take a couple of days for the drugs to wear off and for her to be fit to stand trial, but as the days drug on, the uncomfortable conviction grew that they had no intention of trying her.  He was given no word of her condition and when he tried to see her, he was told that it was not allowed.  Worry was eating at him as he wondered what he had brought her to.  It had never occurred to him that she would not be brought to trial.  He thought, perhaps, he should have realized it though.  The members of the very council holding her, after all, had lost friends and relatives to the Emporer's assassination squads even if not directly to Jezerai.  He thought it was likely that she was one of the few, or perhaps only, person to be brought back to answer for crimes against the Kojanii people.

His fears grew as, with the counselman's permission, he was escorted to Jezerai's cell.  The cell was in one of the oldest parts of the building, deep in the interior and partially underground, the walls were damp and the air smelled of mildew and rot.  The heavy door they stopped in front of was inset into wall and he was filled with foreboding.  His worst fears were realized when the door opened and he saw Jezerai in the cell.

She lay on a hard board bunk, her arms and ankles tied, presumably to keep her from falling off when she started thrashing about.  The rope had worn abrasions on her skin, and the wounds were weeping and raw.  She lay with her eyes closed, still and white on the bunk.  As he knelt beside the bedding he nearly gagged at the smell of suppurating flesh that rose from her.  Her pale gold hair was dank and limp with sweat, while a sheen of perspiration covered her face.  He gently took her hand, "Jez?"  He asked, willing her to answer.  He noted the jittery pulse fluttering in her throat, and the gaunt, almost skeletal appearance of her face.  "Jez?"  Her eyes opened and fixed him with an unfocused stare. 

"Samaal?"  Her voice came out in a cracked croak that wrung his heart and he angrily demanded the jailer to bring him water. "Where am I?" she asked, as he untied the ropes that bound her and helped her to sit up.  Carefully he gave her water that the jailer sullenly handed to him.  Jezerai clung to his hand with a desperate strength she did not look capable of exerting.  Her wide blue eyes skittered about the room and she flinched.

Gently he grasped her chin in his hand, "Jez?"  She turned a fearful gaze back to Samaal, "Can you make them go away?"  She asked, her voice trembling.  Samaal looked around, but the jailers had stepped back out, content to do nothing.  "Who, Jez?"  He asked, gently.  She leaned forward and whispered, "Them" Her eyes started their fearful skittering dance again.  He sat talking to her in a calm cadence that he would use on a nervous foal and was grateful to see her trembling slowly ease and her eyelids grow heavy.  He wrapped an arm around her in a comforting embrace, and Jezerai sank against him.  Once again he was alarmed at how much weight she had lost, and rocked her as she drifted off to sleep.

[Jezerai]

Samaal stood in his room, rubbing his chin with his hand.  He was at a loss for what do about Jez.  The head counsel had agreed sullenly to bring her to trial.  After paying substantial bribes to the jailers, taking up nearly all of the reward he had been paid for bringing her in, he had managed to get them to move her to a slightly more habitable cell and get her a healer.  But he was reasonably sure that trial under these circumstances would be a prelude to execution.  Jezerai was in no condition to help herself and he worried about whether she would even have a future without aid.   Jezerai had spoken of a friend who was a diplomat, a half-elf by the name of Tsol Ylenasni.  Perhaps he would know what to do.  Samaal decided that he had to send word to this person and the houses Jezerai had mentioned being affiliated with, though he wondered if it would mean his own death. 

Having decided upon a course of action, he wrote out his messages and addressed them, once more resolute in purpose.

[Jezerai]

Jezerai tossed and moaned in a dream that seemed to never end, waking or sleeping.  Long wispy strands of ether, forming transparent fingers from a multitude of equally vaporous forms reached for her.  Their combined weight carried her to the ground, immobilizing her there.  Sometimes she would wake, opening her eyes to see the faces of strange Kojani with stern forbidding faces, sometimes the face of Samaal, but always surrounded by the ghostly forms of those seeking vengeance against her.  They caught her attention, demanding answers she could not give and payment for crimes committed in another lifetime.  She longed for the faces of her friends, to comfort her and bring her back from this hellish world in which she found herself.  She worried that they too were trapped in this realm with her, lost and alone amid the stark and barren wastes, held and tormented even as she was. 

Samaal stood watch, sternly eying the student healer, who was the only person the council had been willing to provide for Jezerai.  He worried that the young girl could not know how to care for Jezerai or bring her back to this world.  Her lucid moments were few and far between.  And though she would readily accept food or drink that was provided to her, she continued to remain hovering between the real world and the world of her dreams.  Even when awake, Samaal often got the uncomfortable feeling she was looking at people and listening to voices he knew were not there.  The unfocused stare was a look he had come to dread, presaging as it did another bout of her strange fugue state.  When he asked the healer if they were weaning Jezerai from the Starspark Red, the girl acted as though she could not understand him.  He could only look on and pray that soon help would arrive.

[Jezerai]

Jezerai woke from her dream wandering the barren wastelands populated only by the undead into a second dream where she could see Lothiriel's sweet face floating above her.  But Lothiriel seemed to have been crying, and Jezerai's forehead creased in a frown.  "Lothi?"  She asked in a voice harsh from lack of use.  "Are you alright?"  Jezerai felt a smooth, cool hand gently touch her forehead, and a warm cleansing light filled her vision.  "All will be well, dear friend.  Sleep now, and recover your strength."  Jezerai noticed that the haunting spirits kept a wide berth from the cleric and smiled to herself.  She drifted off with a feeling of safety and security she had not known for some time before this moment.

Lothiriel turned to the young ranger she had met just a short fortnight earlier.  Her normally musical voice was stern with command as she addressed him.  "I must know everything," she said, "If I am to help her.  Tell me everything you can think of that she has taken."  Khaeden stood at Lothiriel's side, fist clenched and ready to assist her if necessary.

Samaal braced himself and told them what he had done.  When he told her about the Starspark Red, Lothiriel could no longer restrain herself and interrupted him.  "You gave her WHAT?"  Lothiriel's question ended almost in a shout, so horrified was she at the notion that the disciple had been fed such a drug. 

"It was to keep her quiet, I thought."  Samaal's voice broke on a sob that he restrained only with difficulty.  "Only she kept fighting it off, so I had to give her more than I wanted." 

Lothiriel's voice took on a steely tone.  "Do you have any idea what you have done?  The damage you may have caused?  She is a disciple!  The effects of the Starspark Red on one who channels Jin is not the same as for others.  Tell me quickly, what steps have the Kojani taken to correct this problem?"

Samaal answered with tight-lipped worry.  "In truth, Lady, I'm afraid they've done nothing.  It's possible they are feeding her more of the drug."

Lothiriel opened her neatly arranged medicine bag, removing a variety of packets and vials and setting them to the side.  The tools of her trade laying ready and near at hand, she began to assess her patient's condition and to, hopefully, prepare a remedy.

[Jezerai]

Jezerai sat, propped up in bed with large pillows.  Her face was pale, but she looked much better as the result of Lothiriel's ministrations.  Lothiriel hovered anxiously by the bedside, worried that her patient would do too much and bring on a relapse.  Jezerai smiled wanly at her protector, conserving her energy for the interview that was coming.  She was grateful to find that her grip on reality was much better this morning, although she could still see her ethereal tormentors hovering around the edges of her consciousness.  She shook her head firmly, attempting to banish these products of her own unstable mind.  The ghosts retreated a bit, but she could see them, flickering in and out of her field of vision.

"Are you alright?  Are you sure you are up to this?"  Lothiriel smoothed a strand of Jezerai's hair back, tucking it behind her ear.  Jezerai tried to give her a reassuring smile, reluctant to tell her of the hallucinations she continued to experience.  She did not want anyone to know that she feared she was losing her mind.

"No choice, friend.  If I don't talk to them, Kromb will tear the place apart.  I have to let them all see I'm okay.  Any word from Tsol yet?"

"Not yet.  He was pursuing various avenues with the Kojan authorities and I believe the monks."  Lothiriel was not sure yet what to make of Jezerai's revelations about her past or what course of action would need to be pursued as a result of these disclosures, but she was sure that now was not the time to burden her still fragile friend and patient.  She and Khaeden would discuss this, as they did all matters affecting the guild, and deal with the matter at a future time.

Jezerai took a deep breath.  "Show them in, please."  She smiled at her friends as they entered, each face infinitely dear to her, all except Samaal.  He had absented himself, in protest, but she and Lothiriel deemed it wise that he not be within arm's reach of Kromb when he learned how Jezerai came to be here, in this cell and in this condition.  Jezerai smiled at the huge dreadknight tenderly, thinking to herself how lucky she was to have such a friend.  Kromb's face, as always, was impassive, but she was secure in the knowledge of the depth of their friendship.  Her task was to persuade him to wait.  To not take vengeance on her behalf.  To not kill all that stood between her and freedom.  To wait.  Not an easy task for a half-crazed, half-dead, half-elf, Jezerai thought ruefully to herself.

As if sensing that something of moment was to occur, the ghosts pressed in again, hovering among her friends, eyeing her with gleeful malice that, as always, shook her resolve and even her sanity.  She could hear them whispering and rustling about.  The sound unnerved her and she looked down at her hands, folded and pale on her lap.

"My friends," she began.  "I am brought here to answer for the crimes of my youth."  She could hear the sound of movement, but whether it was the protest of friends or agitation of ghostly tormentors, she could not be sure.  "As you may know, I joined the Imperial Army when I was about 12 or 13 years of age, and started fighting just two years later.  I was trained and became a member of one of the Emporer's assassination squads."  Jezerai shuddered, her eyes beginning to tear as they always did when she recalled those days.  Without raising her eyes, she dashed the threatening tears with the back of her hand.  "As a member of those squads, I did many terrible things to many innocent people."  Again, the rustling that she dare not look up to see.  She feared that if she did, it would be to look into the dead white faces of her victims pressed close to hers.  Jezerai shuddered and, for a moment, was unable to catch her breath as a wave of anxiety seized her.  Almost instantly, she felt the steadying hand of Lothiriel on her shoulder and the terror receded.  Grateful for the strength of this woman she had just come to know, Jezerai continued. "I killed people," she went on in a strangled, small voice "I tortured people, I kidnapped people, I destroyed families' lives and property.  All in the name of the Emporer."  She choked back a soft sob.  "What is worse, I gloried in my skill and the name I was creating for myself in his service.  I thought that what I was becoming was ... praiseworthy."  Jezerai took a deep breath.  "Until the Jin monks showed me what I was becoming." 

Jezerai drew together her courage to look up, into the faces of her friends, and was relieved to see that the ghosts remained in the background, hovering about the fringes of the circle.  "Samaal was one of those I injured.  He brought me here to face my accusers and to pay for my crimes."  Kromb's grim face turned grimmer and Jezerai read death in his gaze, lit by a pale purple glow.  Her entreaties were addressed to all her friends, but to that face in particular.  "All that Samaal has done, I have done to others.  He has betrayed me, but I have betrayed others.  He has kidnapped me, but I have done the same to others.  His crimes against me are the same that I have committed and he had more reason than I because he was exacting revenge on behalf of those he loved and lost."  Jezerai could not tell if her words were making an impact on her listeners and Kromb was, as always, unreadable.  "If you condemn him, you must condemn me.  If you believe that he cannot be redeemed for his crimes against me, then you must decide that I cannot be redeemed for my crimes either.  Whatever the authorities decide here is out of our hands and it may be that I must pay with my life for what I have done.  But that does not mean as much to me as whether each of you, in your own hearts, can believe that I am redeemable.  You all know me, though perhaps not as well as you thought.  We have fought together, bled together.  If you believe that I cannot redeem what I was, then nothing that happens to me here can matter." 

Jezerai's voice caught on a sob, and once having started to cry, she was helpless to stop.  She could hear the sound of the ocean in her ears and slipped blissfully into unconsciousness, unaware of the impact of her words on her friends.