Jokes 8/21/02

[Saga Librarian]

Katryna Sowdier   
Shamaness of Saga

Katryna approaches the Tavern with it's light shining through the window, voices could be barely heard from within, placing her hand on the door she pushes it open and the volume of the patrons doubles.

A smile grows on Kat's face as she heads to her normal table and out of the corner of her eye she sees the waitress already heading there with some ale.

After placing her packs on the floor she throws a ale back and then speaks loudly to no one in particular "Anyone hear any new riddles or what not ye would like to share, after all the blood and gore of this day it would be most welcome."

Katryna leans her chair back with a fresh ale in her hands waiting to see if anyone responds to her request.


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Siffo
Silly Old Rogue

Last words said by a Death Night in Unrest.

"Have you ever seen so many ghouls?"

Loading____PLease Wait_____


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Siffo
Silly Old Rogue

Last words said by a Death Night in the Warrens.

"Have you ever seen so many Kobolds?"

Loading____PLease Wait_____


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Siffo
Silly Old Rogue

Last words said by a Death Night in Guk.

"Have you ever seen so many Frogloks?"

Loading____PLease Wait_____


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Caillou   
Pebble with a bow

Last words said by a Death Night on the bridge in a very very cold frosty place.

"What are those dire wolves doing on the bridge?"

Loading____PLease Wait_____


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Captain Titaisia Lightheart
Wishful Dreamer

Titaisia smiles at the idea. "My tines grow long, my tines grow short, my tines end ere my first retort. What am I?"


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Bindi the Hobbit
Creeping Crook

*ponders Tita's riddle*

Hrm...I donna know...OH! I gots a joke!

Wot's brown an green an red an brown an green an red...?



Give up?



Froglok in a blender! *Bindi rolls on the floor laughing*


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Siffo
Silly Old Rogue

Captain Tita I don't know.

How odd after I told my joke I got a message from the the gods "Your skill in joke telling has improved (6)"


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Quea FV
Port a Party

Don't know Titaisia?? Tell us!

Hmmm *stands on a chair and clears her throat loudly*.

What did Korg say when he saw a heard of mammoths coming over the hill? ....(silent pause) HEY! There's a herd of mammoths coming over the hill. *Quea giggles*.

What did Korg say when he saw a herd of mammoths wearing visors coming over the hill?.... (silent pause) *Quea can hardly contain her laughter* He dint say nothing cuz he dint recognize em!

*Quea rolls off the chair and onto the floor laughing*


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Siffo
Silly Old Rogue

OUW! Who put this cactus on my chair?


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Bridh
Cleric Tamer

I think we have now found the one tradeskill that can actually decrease with use 


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Quea FV
Port a Party

*Picks herself up off the floor.*

Wait, wait I gots more!

How do you know Dhergel's pants are too tight? *starts laughing hysterically* Cuz..*laughs* his ankles *heehheeehoo* puff out when he farts!

*crumples into a massive ball of hysterical laughter probably hurting herself*


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Serinity Di'Marcia
Holy Knight of Tunare

*falls onto the floor at Quea's joke*
hehehehheheheh


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Bindi the Hobbit
Creeping Crook

*falls off the bartop laughing*

ok...ok...*heeee*....Wot do ye call a faerie who runs headlong inta danger an dies a lot?

a Death Sprite! *tries to take a drink but snorts ale up her nose laughing*


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Kanina K' Val
Call me Nina

Harharhar.
Bah! Too many jokes an' I canno drink me brew.
Ye all are far too silly.


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Elsbet Squishytoes
Flinger of Pies

Ehhhh ! I gots one jes along the same lines !

Woddya call a piece o cloth, attached ta a string, an floatin up in tha air by a long bit o' fishin wire, that gits hit by lightnin an bursts inta flames ?












A Death Kite!



geheheh.


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Gneen

"Have ye heard the one about the Humans that are doing
biology research to try and make their race better looking
and more intelligent?"



"It's called the Human Gneen-Gnome project."


Gneen ducks under a table as fruits and vegetables are hurled
from all directions.


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Quea FV
Port a Party

*Quea winches in pain and grabs her sides as she rolls around laughing on the floor, tears streaming down her face*


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Jebbar Godsbane
Human Cuisinart of Death

OK, here's one...

Q: How many Erudites does it take to change a used-up candle?

A: That's not funny.

Get it? Bah!

OK, tell the orc joke, Korhil!


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Serinity Di'Marcia
Holy Knight of Tunare

Noooooo not the orc joke!


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Siffo
Silly Old Rogue

/ROFL

I thought is was funny Jebbar.

Did Brother Eli tell you that one? 

[Saga Librarian]

Tuppen Tangledroots   
Happy Hobbit

Ok. here we go..
There was a gnome and a halfling drinking ale in Kelethin after a long day of adverturing. They made a nice haul of loot and they fought well so the gnome and the halfling decided to take a few willing wood elven girls back to their rooms at the inn for a little late night party.

The halfling takes his lady to his room and finds her VERY willing. They hop into bed and the halfling starts to get his groove on when he hears this strange sound from the gnome's room:

"one! Two! THREE! UNNNNNNHHHH!!!"
"one! Two! THREE! UNNNNNNHHHH!!!"
"one! Two! THREE! UNNNNNNHHHH!!!"

The halfling is shocked at the gnome's apparent prowess with his girl. He is so distracted that he cannot perform. Still, through the shared wall between rooms comes the sound.. for hours..

"one! Two! THREE! UNNNNNNHHHH!!!"
"one! Two! THREE! UNNNNNNHHHH!!!"
"one! Two! THREE! UNNNNNNHHHH!!!"

The next morning, the halfling meets his gnomish partner for breakfast. The halfling is quiet and sullen and embarrased.

The gnome asks,"So...how did it go with you last night?"
The halfling replies nervously, "Um..not so hot. The elf was willing and we got into bed but I just could not perform. We finally just fell asleep. I am so embarrased!"
The gnome looks to his partner and says, "You're embarrased? Heck, last night I couldn't even jump up into bed!!"
 

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Caillou
Bippin smoochin' wood elf

Tuppen, I read that & was glad the ogre in the room here where I sit ((the veep)) is hard of hearing and I have gotten good at slealth laughing.

Also from that place:

A Human Warrior, a High Elf Warrior, a Barbarian Warrior and a Dark Elf Shadow Knight are sitting in the Plane of Air discussing their gods when suddenly a wizard screams "Jump off the edge, the biggest fricken train I've ever seen is heading this way and I only have time to self evacuate!" So the four group members got up and stood near the edge and looked over the side and the Human Warrior says, "This is what Rallos Zek would have done! "And jumps off. Then the Barbarian says, "This is what Mithaniel Marr would have done "and jumps off. Then the Dark Elf takes the High Elf and throws him off the ledge and Feigns Death saying "That's what Innoruuk would have done!!"
 

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Alarielle
Wandering Paladin

No! No!

Korhil don't tell the orc joke!

*sighs*

 
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Korhil
Templar of Tunare

Whats big and Red and looks good on a Dark elf?




Nagafen

Well I found it funny
/chuckle


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Caillou
Bippin smoochin' wood elf

*giggle*


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Bindi the Hobbit
Creeping Crook

*waits patiently for the orc joke*
 

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Kanina K' Val
Call me Nina

Orc Joke! Orc Joke!

Kanina chants banging her mug on the table.


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Bippin Tenderfoot
Caillou's favorite halflin'

*laugh*
*laugh*

hmm if that's the quality of Korhil's jokes, maybe we do want to hear that orc joke 


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Quea FV
Port a Party

LET'S HEAR THE ORC JOKE!

*Quea bets it is the one he told her the first time she met him in Runnyeye.*

*Watches Alarielle to see if she is wincing.*
   

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Korhil
Templar of Tunare

*Drum roll*

What do ye Call a Naked Orc?



AN ORC PORN!!

*smiles*
*Braces himself for the barrage of vegetables*

 
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Alarielle
Wandering Paladin

Alarielle sighs at her grinning husband and walks over to a nice dark corner to drink her ale until this joke is forgotten about
 

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Jebbar Godsbane
Human Cuisinart of Death

HAHAHAH!!!

<---Loves this joke.
<---Is a sucker for awful puns.

MORE, Korhil, MORE!!

I have to say, we have some of the FUNNIEST paladins in Norrath!
 

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Serinity Di'Marcia
Holy Knight of Tunare

1. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
2. A backwards poet writes inverse.
3. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's
your count that votes.
4. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
5. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
6. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
7. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
8. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll
show you A-flat minor.
9. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
10. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

/duck


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Bindi the Hobbit
Creeping Crook

*giggles incessantly*

Ok, two mens an' a woman find themselves on a island. After tha first thirty minutes, one man starts pacin an' wringin his hand.

"I gotta get outta here! I cant take it!" So he hacks down a tree with a really sharp oyster shell an turns it inta a crude canoe an' floats off tha island.

A bit later tha second man starts twitchin. "I have to get off this island! I'm going to go nuts!" So he finds a hatchet an' a sheet wot floated up on shore an' cuts down a tree an makes a raft an sails off inta tha distance.

Tha woman sighs heavily and walks over tha bridge...

*falls out of her chair, spilling ale on the floor*


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Bippin Tenderfoot
Caillou's favorite halflin'

*sprays ale all over the place*

*falls to the floor, laughing, not able to utter a word*


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Siffo
Silly Old Rogue

A dorf was wandering around the ButcherBlock Mountains when he found a strange vase. When he started to clean off the vase a powerful spirit magician appeared.

The magician said "Thank for releasing me from my imprisonment, as a reward I will grant you one wish."

The dorf thaought for a while and then said. " I have all ways wanted to go to Velios but I am afraid of porting and I get terribly seasick even in a rowboat on a pond. I wish you to build me a bridge from here to Velious so I can walk there."

The Magician turned pale, then turned bright red. "Are you nuts? Do have any idea how many pilings alone that would take much less the structural summoning? NO, NO, you will have to pick some thing else I will not do that, it is imppossible."

The dorf thought for a bit and then said "OK, I have three sisters, been married four times and go through girl friends all the time. I wish to understand how females think, I want to know what it is that makes up thier minds the way they do. That is what I wish for."

The magician replied "So, how many lanes would you like that bridge?"


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Caillou
Bippin smoochin' wood elf

*Caillou has the glass poised at her lips ready to take a drink, begins to giggle, and, with exagerated care, sets the glass back down on the table before rolling out of her chair to giggle on the floor in a little ball.*


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Quea FV
Port a Party

*Quea is laughing so hard tears are streaming down her face. Suddenly she jumps up and begins a very awkward run to the ladies room.*

Oh my! Oh my! *she shouts as she rushes past everyone*


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Gneen

While walking in South Karana one day I spied a large
bird overhead. Since I never had seen such a bird before
I inquired at the Aviak village and was told that the fowl
was the sacred Foo bird - worshipped by the Aviak in
ritualistic ceremonies seldom seen by outsiders. I was
warned NOT to interfere with the bird in any way lest I
suffer the consequences.

Returning to the plains, I once again spied the bird overhead
but took care not to draw me bow nor threaten it in any way.
A beautiful bird it was ... until it chose to defecate as I was
looking up at it.

No sooner had I wiped the offending substance from me face
than I was descended upon by hundreds of crazed Aviaks and
pummelled to within an inch of me life.










And the moral of this sad story?

If the Foo shits, wear it.


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Serinity Di'Marcia
Holy Knight of Tunare

I got more!
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

[Saga Librarian]

Frendle

An Oger walked into a bar and said, "Ouch!!"
   

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Mixxi Bixiebane
Diva of Destruction

Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahahhahaha hahhaahhahahhahhahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahhahh!

Keep 'em coming!


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Radish Baladek
Happy lil' Rogue

*Nina pokes me in the ribs and makes me stand up to tell my joke.*

Okie, here goes...

A shroom walks into a tavern and looks about at all the happy, drunk folks. He bellies up to the bar and waves for the keep.

"How about a nice cold ale, my good man."

But the barkeep shakes his head and replies...

"I'm sorry, son, we don't serve your kind around here."

The shroom was greatly dissapointed and pleads in his defence...

Why not?? I'm a fungi!!


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Serinity Di'Marcia
Holy Knight of Tunare

A duck waddles into a bar, and jumps onto the counter he asks the bartender " Can I get a brandy, and do you have any quackers?" The bartender , wiping the glasses, says I don't serve ducks, and no I don't have any Quackers. The duck leaves, and the next night comes back in. Same thing, waddles up to the counter jumps onto the bar, and asks the bartender "Can I get a brandy, and do you have any quackers?" The bartender starting to get upset, tells the duck, I don't serve ducks, and if I see you in here again, I am going to nail your beak to the wall. The duck, calmly turns, and leaves. Next night, the duck comes in, waddles up to the bar, looks calmly at the bartender and asks, Have a hammer? Bartender says no, have any nails, bartender says no again, "have any quackers?"
   

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Gneen

As long as we're telling bar jokes ...

What did the termite say when he walked into the Lion's Head?

Give up?

Hehe ...

He said: "Is the bar tender here?"
 

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Jebbar Godsbane
Human Cuisinart of Death

Oh, the pain...


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Brutin Vitellius
Word of Brell

Max the Half Pointie is doing his chores in the fine merchant establishment of the Heartwood Tavern in Kelethin when a High Pointie walks up to him and says that he wishes to buy half an Iron Ration. Max does his best to tell the High Pointie that they don't sell half rations but the High Pointie is insistent and Max goes to the manager.

"You aren't gonna believe this, some idiot wants to buy half an Iron Ration." Max starts off complaining but he notices that the High Pointie has followed him, so he points to the fellow, "And this good gentleman has graciously agreed to buy the other half."

The manager waits patiently for the transaction to be finished and then remarks, "that was pretty fancy talking back there, you from Felwithe?"

To which Max replies "No, Only Tramps and Casters come from Felwithe."

This raises an eyebrow on the Manager who continues to stare at him and says "That if funny, my wife was born in Felwithe."

"Oh? What school of magic?" Max asks with a smile.