Sunbeam's new clothes

[Alirrin]

The by now familiar form of Sunbeam fills the door, and amid strains of "HELO EVREEBODEE!" he enters the tavern, carefully managing to knock only a single table as he enters.

"GESS WHAT!!!  I LERNING TO SO BETTER!  I MAYK NEW HAT AND SLEEVES AND PANTS AND EVEN BOOTS! "

Beaming with pride, the ogre proudly shows of the leathers he is wearing, which are quite striking.

"ENEONE NEED ME TO SO FOR THEM?"

[Anaris]

*Anaris takes a sip of her rich tea and looks up from her High Elf's Bazaar magazine at the massive ogre*

Why, darling...  No offense, but do you honestly think that anyone in Greater Qeynos would stop going to their High Elven tailors to go to an Ogre for their apparel?  I mean, honestly now....  You're better off selling your garments in the black market... I bet there's a higher demand for them in Freeport... 

*arches her brows and nods*

*gets a dirty look from Flann*

I mean, it's just some friendly advice from a VERY CONCERNED Koada'dal acquaintance... 

*beams a very bright, very fake smile*

Um, anyway, when did they let you in here?  Where was I when this happened? 

*looks about the tavern*

Helloooo?  No one asked Anaris's opinion?  Anyone?  Hellooooo?

*sighs* 

If I'm not around, this place goes to the pits...  *mutters to the Ogre*

Anyway, let me take a closer look at these rags you call sleeves....

*stands up to get a look at the Ogre's clothes*

[Alirrin]

Sunbeam just blinks at Anaris' rapidfire commentary, not quite catching it all.

"I'M SUNBEEM!  I LEEVE FREEPORTS CUZ PEEPLS THERE ARE MEEN.  I CAME TO LIVE IN KEENOWS, AND NOW I PART OF SAGA!"

As she starts to examine his sleeves, he beams with pride. "I PUT LOTSA WORK INTO THESE! THEY STRONG FOR KEEPING ME SAFE, BUT SOFT AND COMFTERBLE TOO! AND THEY PRETTY!"

[Anaris]

*flutters her eyelashes in half-disbelief, half-amazement at Sunbeam*

A member of Saga, aren't you?  Interesting....  Hmmpf.....

*examines the sleeves closer*

Strong sleeves, they are...  Safe, even....  But pretty.....  Let me see... How do I put this....

*takes a deep breath*

Darling, I think we need to define the word "Pretty" for you....  I think, well, I suspect that somewhere in your upbringing someone lied to you...  If you are to be a Saga member now, you are to understand a few things about the way we operate here in Qeynos...  First of all, we do not use the word "Pretty" loosely when describing something that resembles more of an armor than a fashionable item of clothing...  And even then, "Pretty" is a stretch....

*sees the blank expression on the Ogre's face*

OK.... Let me simplify....  Do you think I'm pretty?  Of course you do...

*flutters her eyelashes*

Now, do you think I look anything like your sleeves?  Of course not, not in a million years....  Now, how do you suppose those sleeves are to be described as "Pretty" when I'm "Pretty" and there is no semblance between the sleeves and I?   See?

*smiles at the Ogre*

From now on, you shall not describe anything as "Pretty" unless it is strikingly similar to me or anything about me, be it my dress, my hair, or my manicure...  Understand?  Once you put into practice this new VERY Qeynosian thing I've taught you, we'll move to the next lesson:  Beauty.   And if you put to practice everything I teach you, then you will be able to blend into Qeynosian society.  You would like that, no?  Of course you would...

*notices the Ogre's fingernails*

Ok, now let's do something about those.........

[Alirrin]

Sunbeam listens intently to the stream of words, which mostly go in one ear and out of the other.  He grins at Anaris' comparison of his sleeves to herself.

"SILLY ELFEE, PEEPLS AND CLOTHES AREN'T THE SAME!  SO PEEPLS PRETTY AND CLOTHES PRETTY AREN'T THE SAME EETHER!"

As she looks at his hands, he gets a concerned look on his face.

"WHAT RONG WITH HANDS?"

[Jasyn]

* Jasyn casually strolls through the tavern doors and comes to a complete stop.  He blinks and stares blankly for a moment at Sunbeam.  Pausing for a beat, he rolls his eyes at Anaris as she effortlessly exceeds the ogre in words-per-minute.

* Jasyn then sighs, slumps his shoulders and turns right back around, muttering something about not remembering where he last left The Bags.

[Anaris]

*Anaris guides the Ogre to the wash basin by carefully grabbing his sleeve with a pinch of her thumb and index finger*

Here, take this washcloth and this bubbly thing we call soap...  Scrub your fiingers till they look clean...  "Clean" means pristine, much like a diamond or a transparent piece of glass... Keep scrubbing till your fingernails look like diamonds...

*hands the Ogre a washcloth and soap*

Now, yes, it is true what you said... People and things are not supposed to be the same thing...  But for all purposes, pretend they are... It simplifies things....

*nods vigorously as she notices Jasyn slipping out of the tavern*

JAAASYNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!  Get over here!!!  I'm going to need my manicure set!  It's in the purple suede bag!!!  Did you HEAAAAAR MEEEE?!

*whispers to the Ogre*  Half-Elves.....  They can be soooo fickle when you don't keep a close eye on them....

*pulls out an emergency nail file*

Oh yes, back to "Pretty"....  It is ok to compare things to people when using pretty if you say, for example, that I smell like a lovely flower arrangement... Or that my complexion is as luminescent as a pearl...  Or that my hair radiates a soft glow like the sun at dawn....  But any other form of the word "Pretty" is unacceptable...  But armor....  Well, it is most certainly not pretty unless it is made of precious stones and platinum...  In which case, it is only really pretty if it's worn by royalty... Understood? 

*spritzes some lavender perfume on the Ogre*

Now, that smells pretty, doesn't it? 

*beams*

*looks for Jasyn again*

Oooooooh JAAAAAAAAAASYNNNNNNNNN!

[Alirrin]

Unsure what's going on, but pleased at the attention, Sunbeam allows himself to be carted around the room, knocking over tables and chairs as he passes. 

He seems pleased at the scent of the soap at first, but gets concerned as Anaris gets him scrubbing. "MY SKIN CHANGING COLOR!  WHY THE BROWN CHANGING TO GREEN?"

Reassured by Anaris that this is normal and even a good thing, he doesn't resist.  He smiles when she sprays the perfume.  "SMEL NYCE!  WHERE YOU GET THAT?"

He inhales deeply, then gets a troubled expression.  Inhaling again, he sneezes violently, spraying the sink area.  He grins. "I SNEEZ!"

[Jasyn]

* Jasyn pokes his head back into the tavern.

Who's that callin' me?  Was that ya hollerin' for me, Beamer?  Ya's startin' to sound like Anaris.  ... 'n why ain't ya usin' that thing Bou told ya to use?  Ya know... the inside voice thing.

* Jasyn catches a glimpse of Anaris again.

Uh oh.

* Jasyn thinks to himself: I hope Flann's got The Bags.  He quickly channels his Pathfinding ability and flees before Anaris is able to stare Wystro's patented Dagger's of Death at him (or any other appropriate Koada'Dal Stare of Fill-in-the-Blank).

[Anaris]

*Anaris stands there....motionless.....paralyzed......shocked.........perhaps even catatonic......covered in Ogre snot after Sunbeam's massive, violent sneeze*

[Alirrin]

Sunbeam grins.  "THAT WAS A GOOD ONE!"

[Lyrima]

Kiaria sails into the tavern, blowing kisses with every step.

"Greetings to all of thee! Greeetings!"

The lovely Koada'Dal gives a very unladylike scream of delight when her eyes fall on her beloved friend.

"Ana! Darling! Tis most marvelous good to see thee!"

Hurrying over, her smile changing to a moue of dismay and concern, Kiaria stops in her tracks as her warm brown eyes travel from the face of her friend to the lovely elven fingertips gripping the ragged nail of ...her face tilts slowly up... an ogre..?

"Ana..? Is that an ... ogre..?" Her voice fades off as she blinks at the massive being announcing with a grin, "THAT WAS A GOOD ONE!"

[Anaris]

*blinks out of her shock*

I........... I'd faint if it wasn't because the floors have not been sweeped....

*hears Kiaria's voice*

KIARIA!!! Darling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh my!  I have not seen you in millennias!  Oh, but yes, this is an Ogre you see... and he just SNEEZED all over me! 

*turns to the Ogre* 

How DARE you say it was a good one!!  Quick, fetch me my Personae, she's the one by the mirror staring at her reflection....  Tell her to prepare me a bath as quickly as possible!!!  I am so mad at you right now I feel like giving you multiple head concussions with a wiggle of my finger!    MOVE IT!

*turns to Kiaria*

Kiaria darling, yes, he is an Ogre... And worse, a SAGA Ogre... I'm not sure whether to cry or cry or go hysterical.... I think we should do something about him!  He's trying to launch a fashion line for Marr's sake!  Ugh, I'm covered in his snot!  I'd hug you but I'm afraid I'd give you Ogre germs...

*turns to the Ogre*

What are you standing there for!?  DO SOMETHING!!! 

*wiggles her finger menacingly*

[Alirrin]

Sunbeam can tell something is wrong, but isn't entirely sure what.

"WHUTZA PERSONEE? AND WHY YOU NEED A BATH? JUST WIPE FACE ON DRESS."

He nods, satisfied with his solution, and turns to Kiaria.  "HI THERE ELFEE! I AM SUNBEEM!"

[Lyrima]

*snaps into action*

Tender! A bath, now!

*turns to Anaris*

Darling, moments only to complete comfort. <nods>

Kiaria busily directs the attendants, hot bath, salts, soaps and cloths.  "No, not this one, smells too perfumey. Yes, this." She glances at the cloths, touching them with the tips of her elegant fingers, " no. Tis unclean. Tis not soft enow. That and that," points with commanding fingers what is chosen.

"Now then, dearest Anaris, shall I hae them move to the back room or shall I hae them erect a cloth wall instantly?"

She turns to Sunbeam, "Greetings to thee, Good Ogre!  I am Kiaria Vakhalye, Druid of Saga and Healer of All!" She takes  a breath, " Prithee, step aside as I fix thy mistake. Tis most important thou shouldst turn thy back and seek out my dear Lady Anaris' baggage. Sir Jasyn tis thy answer."